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    ESHARA43   20,558
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FEEL LIKE GIVING UP

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hi Spark Friends Eshara43 here posting a new blog

I have been sitting around me house feeling sorry for myself because I see all of you getting out walking and exercising and eating right and I feel useless because I can't do that myself. I know I should be getting out to walk but I get pains in my legs that shoot up my leg to my hips right now. There is nothing I can do about it until my leg heals and that can take up to a full year yet.

I can't even workout in my basement because of all the junk down there and my spouse isn't helping because when I clean an area so I can workout he goes down and messes everything up on me again. When I tell him what he is doing he tells me that I don't need the area that bad. Ya Right. My family doesn't give me the motivation that I need and now I can't do anything. I sit and get very depressed over it and then start eating which I know I shouldn't.

I want to start this whole goal thing over again but if I do I have to start at the beginning again and don't want to do that. I am still sitting at 210 lbs and I know that is better then weighing 245 lbs but its been 3 1/2 months now and I havent lost anymore weight. I feel so useless. I don't have anyone around that lives close enough to me to help me keep on track so I am doing this on my own.

I want to get out and walk but the weather here is so dam cold and the roads are icy as well. I want to go back to the gym but my spouse won't even take me there now. I am applying for a Disability income tax and I can get almost 15,000 dollars from that and if I do I plan on going out and buying some fitness equipment so I can workout. I hope.

I have been talking to my parents and they are behind me on this but I can't get down to their place all the time to use my mothers treadmill.

I want more then anything to lose at least another 80 lbs if I can. I started going without eating 3 meals a day and sometimes not eating at all for 2 to 3 days at a time and I know that is wrong but when you have a family that tells you that you are fall and ugly all the time like I do then you will realize that they are right.

I am ashamed of myself and my body because I see that I am fat and ugly. Yes I know you all will say that I am beautiful but I don't see it. I can't even look at myself in a mirror when I comb my hair or brush my teeth now because I see a fat and ugly woman looking back at me.

I keep telling myself that if I want to lose weight then I should just hold my head high and tell my family to leave me the hell alone and let me do what I want to do. My young son has even said to me "Mum you are beautiful and you can reach your goal if you try harder and that I will help you". I tell him that if he thinks that I am beautiful then to help me but his father tells him to leave me alone but he won't because he loves me.

I, Susan Walsh of Debert Nova Scotia Canada here by state that I will not let anyone and anything stand in my way of reaching my goal of losing weight because I want this more then life itself. I want to be able to fit back into a size 6 jeans and a medium blouse again.

I will start tomorrow morning by eating 3 meals a day again and working out as much as I can to reach my goal by July 2013
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JADOMB 1/27/2013 11:52AM

    I have faith in you. As I've said before, don't depend on others to give you the motivation, find that driving force from within. People fail all the time and they want company with their failures. Don't fall for that.

My prayers are with you. KEEP THE FAITH

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REDVELVET21 1/23/2013 4:51PM

    You can do it, Please hang in there you are worth it! I think that some people are afraid that once you lose the weight that you will change into someone else however you are becoming a healthier person who can do even more than before! Change is scary for some people. You are beautiful and you are an angel! Don't let anyone tell you different. I want you to tell yourself that you are beautiful and that you are worth the change that you want! You need to keep repeating this to yourself, don't let anyone put you down! You are in my prayers. You will overcome this! God wants us to be HEALTHY And WEALTHY!

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SEATTLE58 1/23/2013 11:20AM

    Oh Susan Dear, your youngest son sounds like your support team all in one person! Let him encourage you when he can and eat it up and let it boost your inner self that you can feel better about what you're doing because it's for you! Think of your exercise as just even 10 minutes per day. 10 minutes is alot more than zero per day and it's surprising how much better it makes one feel!

emoticon to you, Karen

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SALDABA6 1/23/2013 10:03AM

    There are many exercises that can be done in small spaces. Right here on sparkpeople there are many exercises that are done from a sitting position. This is just one of many videos this site has to help you along your journey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC9j
kkEjlLI . Resistance bands take up very little space and can be bought at a drug store or pharmacy. Another thing that can be used for cardio is what they call an arm bike. One uses their arms to peddle the bike to get their cardio in when they may not be able to use their legs. They can be bought at a pharmacy also especially one that has homecare. This is what they look like http://www.fitnesszone.com/product/
15-0125.html but may be much cheaper at your pharmacy.
Remember that support is as close as your computer and it is okay to feel down, we all get that way sometimes. Me? I am starting over again, this time with an injured knee. emoticon

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SOFT_VAL67 1/23/2013 9:29AM

    You are NOT fat and ugly, and yes, 210 is MUCH better than 245...you got to 210 didnt you???
you can get to 199 and 189 and so on...
i dont know what is wrong with your leg, but i have a broken foot and my doctor has taken me off walking for 6 weeks, walking was not only my favorite and preferred form of exercise, but it was my outlet for emotions, it was my alone time to think
it was my life, or so i thought...
i lost 64 pounds from may til jan, and i plan to keep on keeping on, even though i cannot walk right now.
there are so many ways to get exercise that dont require alot of room...
do squats if your legs will allow...
lift weights and even if you dont have them, make them, old milk jugs filled with water, or even frozen water, make great weights...
just be creative and find what you can do and just really count calories, fat, etc...
i am no medical person and cant offer medical a emoticon dvice, but i would say you seem like you might need some counseling, for self esteem and maybe even some family counseling, to get your family on board.
not only to encourage you to be healthy, but to help the whole family to be healthy.
now, healthy isnt just physical.
good luck to you and really stop beating yourself up, we all have flaws, but we all have inner and outer beauty in our own way, in our own time....

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MOTHER-NATURE 1/23/2013 8:04AM

    1. Susan first ad foremost you have to love yourself enough to want to do this. Afte reading your blog it is quite clear to me that you do.

2. Second of all remember you are doing this FOR YOU, not anyone else !!

3. Don't expect other family members to help or want the best for you ... SOME WILL ... SOME WON'T remember you are doing this for you, not them !!

4. Start with baby steps ... do one small step a day.

5. Every day pick ONE healthy thing you want to do and know it is healthy for you.

6. Some healthy suggestions to start with could be ... drinking more water, cut up some fresh veggies to nibble on for snacks, try some easy chair exercises, keep coming to sparks fr support and healthy tips, walk for 15 minutes, if you can't do it outside do it around your house .. your family may look at you as if you're lost, but just now them you are getting in your 15 minutes of fame.

6. Look in the mirror every morning when you get up and then again every night before you go to bed and say " I Love You Susan "

Start where you are Susan .. start today ... start small ... START emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Please let me know if there is anything I can help you with, you have a friend in me emoticon Also read my blog called " I Quit " it is a list of my goals for 2013 that I'm working on quittiing.

Hugs

Niki

Comment edited on: 1/23/2013 8:14:44 AM

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 1/23/2013 7:43AM

    hi in there girl, I am from South Shore one of Healthy4me friends, I live in chronic pain, I now don't care what anyone says, I do it for me, and you can do it for you, I don't know where Debert is going to goggle it, but please pop in and hi on the calling canadians team we are a great bunch very friendly and encouraging, take care and hold your head up high!!!

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HEALTHY4ME 1/23/2013 7:29AM

    OMG I GOT CHILLS!!!!!! BRRRRR I was going to start this with copying this line

when you have a family that tells you that you are fall and ugly all the time like I do then you will realize that they are right.

and say you may be physcially fat but girl you are not ugly and you don't have to believe them just cos they say it over and over.
OKAY but then I kept reading and you said Susan from DEBERT NS. well I am in Dartmouth and we camp at elm river and this year will be at hidden hilltop So wont be far, right in your area!!!
I also want to say that I have met 3 others one from dartmouth and 2 more from Bridgewater way that I will send this to. Now you have 4 of us on your side, along with all the other friends you have. I also know another girl from Windsor but only through here.
If you can't move your leg much, or get out cos yea it is slippery and cold then how about some soup cans and start with strength, we need it as much if not more than cardio. It will help you lose and strengthen.
SO I hope and pray that you can figure some stuff out, and get in a better mind set, and come spring or even when we re in Truro to visit sister in law ( well Valley really), I will meet you. I promise that when we go up to check the trailer I will some how meet up with you.
Take care and expect 4 more friends along.
HUGS now going to read your page. lol have no info about you other than this blog, I was so excited that you do have someone around. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/23/2013 7:32:29 AM

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SWEETYOUNGTHING 1/23/2013 5:59AM

    YouTube is a wonderful resource for different types of exercises that you can do in limited space. See what you can find by googling "exercises for confined spaces". I know it's hard but remember that you really don't need affirmation from others to lose weight. Be your own best friend and encourage yourself. It's disheartening when a spouse doesn't support us. Been there. However, I've learned to live by example and to just keep doing what I'm doing. If you stay consistent he will have less to doubt and so will you.

Hang in there. Just keep your inner POSITIVE dialogue going and know that you'll figure things out. emoticon Pat

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FISHER011 1/23/2013 5:47AM

    Susan, emoticon

Hi!
Hang in there! You are doing something- you posted this biog! emoticon That in itself is something. Reaching out does help.
I am sorry to hear about your legs & the pain.
Also, I always tell myself "this too shall pass" when I am down & feel so defeated.
Some days are easier than others & those are the ones to reach for- for you are able to do this & you are worth it my friend! emoticon
Making positive changes daily will help-baby steps.
I too have been struggling. I don't know if it's the pain I struggle with, or others attitude that I am fine just the way I am. emoticon
emoticon
emoticon
Debbie
Believe in yourself! emoticon



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JAYDEE1211 1/23/2013 3:25AM

    Hey, it can be a rough journey and I know I find the going hard but try to think about what you will gain as you lose weight. Also you ARE beautiful; everyone is. To be alive is to be beautiful. I try not equate my notion of beauty with society's current version. Society's ideals negates the beauty in the elderly, the imperfect and the world around us. Hang in there and believe your son.

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ROXIGIRL 1/23/2013 3:00AM

    Hi Susan,

I am sorry you feel this way. And i do understand that is very hard to break our habits and our way of thinking. But one thing you have to remember - everything you doing its for yourself only. Not for your family and friends - but you. I wish you were living closer - i would have given my treadmill to you. (It has been years since i used it as i prefer to run outside but still keep it - just in case)

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