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Fat wings versus bat wings: The battle is on!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Noticing changes or sometimes a lack of changes, well, it’s been an adventure.

For instance, until recently, I couldn’t tell you what it would feel like to start developing core muscles, but now I think I’m finally getting a taste of that.

It’s strange. The other day I’m sitting there in my comfy chair in the living room and low and behold I feel something weird, like muscles in my core all tight as if they were busy getting stronger.

Of course that day I had done my strength training, a routine that takes about an hour, and is pretty heavy on core exercises.

I mean, why not? After all it’s my middle that needs taming most of all. Although frankly, I could think of a few other places that need it too.

Like why in heaven’s name is it that I exercise my arms so much and they just don’t want to shrink as often as I’d like them too?

It’s frustrating. Those things, they are huge. If I keep shrinking at the rate I have been, over the course of time, my waist may be smaller than my arms!

Seriously! That would look a little weird.

It’s sort of like how “they” – whoever “they” are – describe the actual dimensions of the traditional Barbie doll. You know – how the measurements are just not realistic for a normal human being.

In any case, I’m no Barbie, and I don’t need a mirror to tell me that! But the measurements, well I wonder if I won’t undergo the same sort of phenomenon.

Only for me, it would be my arms and my legs being way to big for my waist.

And will my head ever shrink?

Okay, I know, that’s a weird question if I’ve ever heard one!

Why would I want that to shrink?

Well, certainly not to lose any gray matter, that’s for sure! I need as much of that as I can get!

It just seems that my head’s so much larger now that I’m so overweight.

I have this velvet hat from Germany that I just love that I can’t wear now because my head’s gotten so big.

And I don’t think it’s because of all those all-night study sessions I spent in college!

You see, I notice that with this large head of mine, I’ve also gotten puffy cheeks and a large double chin.

At least some of that is reducing and firming up a little.

So maybe in a few months my double chin won’t need it’s own zip code any more.

Hm. How’d I get from writing about a strengthened core to mapping my chin on Google Earth? Okay, well maybe I should really get back on track.

But what would be the fun of that?

I’m glad my core is getting stronger. I think that’s important.

But those problem areas … wow! What’s a girl to do?

Nip, nip! Tuck, tuck! Okay, maybe not. You can’t nip, nip and tuck, tuck at my weight. I’m sure they wouldn’t do it.

So patience is the name of the game as usual, and as usual, that seems to be my least favorite virtue!

You mean I have to wait?

I’m trying.

I wait to pull out that measuring tape as much as I can before succumbing to curiosity. I only measure probably about once a month or twice if I am extra impatient, and some of those measurements do change a little bit. But those arms! They are extra stubborn!

Early on in my journey I was worried that I’d have bat-wings so large I might knock myself out if I wasn’t careful, but now I’m worried that if that fat doesn’t go away, what could have been bat wings will just end up being fat wings.

Well, at least I’ll stay buoyant in water!

It’s not like I hate the floppy masses, they are what they are and as I’ve said before, my body did it’s best with the circumstances that it was given at the time.

And for that, in a weird way, I have to respect my fat wings, even if that sounds a little weird.

But like a visitor that stays too long, my fat wings need to be on their way.

Bye bye fat wings! I’m sorry, but frankly, I won’t miss you, even if I say I respect you.

It’s just that they don’t quite go well with tank tops and sleeveless shirts!

Okay, I realize, someone my size probably shouldn’t wear a tank top out in public, and I do my best to keep that kind of thing to the confines of my home. I’ll probably do that well into the future, at least until my fat-wings start disappearing.

But on extra hot days, those shirts may find an opportunity to come out of hiding. But certainly, that won’t be today, being in the middle of January and being quite cold. A good number of hours ago, a thermometer outside said that it was 8 degrees Fahrenheit. Yikes!

For my Celsius loving friends, I don’t even think that number translates. It’s so cold it falls off the chart. Okay, I admit it, it doesn’t really fall off the chart, but a negative number that big, well, it sounds cold. It comes out about -13.3333 degrees according to Google.

And I’m sure it’s even colder now because the sun's been down for many hours now.

I think it’s time for me to migrate to another hemisphere.

I’ll be the ultimate snow-bird. Instead of going to Florida for the winter, I’ll just go somewhere where it’s actually summertime in January! Although I’m sure Florida would do just fine temperature wise.

Ah, through my ramblings I find a perfect fat-wing solution! I’ll melt them in the sun! (With sunscreen of course.)

Now that’s a solution I could live with no matter what hemisphere I’m in!

FUN FACT: I once moved from a campus apartment to a dorm in weather that I believe was about -14 degrees Fahrenheit, with some wicked amount of wind-chill so awful I can’t remember it. Now that translates to about -25.5556 degrees Celsius. Ouch! Somehow I was motivated to move faster than ever that day! There’s nothing like the threat of serious frostbite to motivate me to get my buns moving fast! It worked!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, you just crack me up, kid! Keep writing, please. Bat wings, baahahahahaaa.
    1847 days ago
    Thankyou for making me smile and laugh.. I love how you write, so infused with humour. Our bodies seem to lose where they want first, not where we'd like them too! for me it was the stomach.. it's taking it's sweet time trying to develop abs, despite numerous daily crunches!!

    Keep up the writing as you sure are good at it! emoticon
    1852 days ago
    One of the things I've been working on is being "okay" with myself regardless of any numbers on the scale or tape measure. Wrapping my self esteem up with those numbers has taken enough of a toll!

    Keep living your healthy & well lifestyle, your SPARKED life and all those measurements will take care of themselves and be just exactly what they should be! :-)

    1853 days ago
    I enjoyed your ramblings. If ever you find the solution to bat wings please let me know- the sound of them flapping can be deafening if I'm not careful how I move emoticon
    1854 days ago
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