blowing winds, calming seas
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Today was another day at the hospital with my sister. They can't find out what is wrong with her so we have been playing every other day at the er. Usually stresses me to no end. They moved her from the exam room to a gurney in the hallway. I am very sensitive to repetative noises, being overwhelmed, etc.. As I sat there with her I just prayed that this would be over. I needed a drink badly. There was an emergency exit right by the gurney and I could see the drink machine right out side the door. When one of the techs opened the door I ducked out behind him. Wow! Freedom! Not sitting cramped in a hallway. Now off to the machine for my soda, had a hot $2 in my pocket.
The macine I saw was a SNACK machine! uggghhh!!! I only wanted a drink. The guy by the machine said I had to go to the cafeteria to get a soda. Sigh....my achilles heel. They have the best cafeteria I have ever been in. I won't go into it all because I thing that is just food porn, but I will say as I reached for the diet mountain dew I could smell the pizza laying right next to the cooler. Brick oven pizza. Uggghhh!!! Last time my niece was in this hospital I had two slices every day and night. Big deep breath!!!!!!! You have $2. Grab your Mountain Dew and get out of there!!!!!
Whew!!!!! I made it. Walked backt to the emergency exit and waited patiently until someone with a badge could let me in.
I said to my sister that God is watching out for me. He let me go out with the $2 instead of grabbing my purse. I felt a calm come over me.
My sister was released again with no diagnosis. She was hungry on the way home and wanted to split a bagel. Split a bagel? Do people really do that? Don't they usually have a frozen iced coffee with lots of cream and sugar, a full bagel and maybe a doughnut for good measure? Well the change in our family is we split a bagel.
The rest of the day was spent logging my food, taking care of my sister, napping, and feeling strong.
I can have my meltdowns, they are going to come if I like it or not. I have satisfied myself with food since I was a child. 48 years later and I am having a new life. One I am learning to deal with.