Tuesday, January 22, 2013
So today I was still not feeling fantastic. I had strep this weekend and I am only on day 3 of meds. I had decided that I would still go to the gym. My throat was a little sore but the rest of me felt good enough. But then tonight, my husband and I got into a fight about our health and dental insurance. Really we were both just frustrated about the exact same thing and instead of being angry together and working out to relieve the stress, we basically went at each other. Totally the wrong way...So he decided he no longer wanted to go to the gym. At first I had decided that I did not want to go either. By this time I was angry, my hips and lower stomach are hurting bad from my fibroids, and all I wanted to do was scream and cry. But I pushed myself out the door. And at first I was without direction. As a matter of fact, I drove to 7-11 and got a diet coke lol and sat there. I called my dad to vent then listened to music and sang loudly as I drove down the street to the YMCA. I pulled in still unsure if I was going to go in. And you know what? For that moment it dawned on me that I had two ways this could go. 1) I would stay in the car and be angry, then drive home after awhile. And all along I would be giving myself all the excuses as to why I had made the right decision even though I would totally feel guilty knowing I made the wrong choice. And even though I knew the struggle between good and bad was one I'd had many times before (with the wrong choice winning of course) I would still accept that for tonight this was ok. OR 2)I could man up, walking in to the Y feeling angry and in pain and just work out. I mean, I would be in pain either way. Except that if I just went in there I would be in physical pain but mentally I would feel so much better.
It literally took me 5 minutes or so to decide...but I went in and worked out. I stuck to the elliptical, which a month ago I was not trying anymore because I had convinced myself it made my knee hurt (which it did, but not enough to give it up). I pushed hard. My max heart rate was 172, with my average being around 156. And I felt great. My knee did not hurt. My mind felt at ease. And well, my fibroids still hurt but hey, thats what my pain meds are for lol. Anyway, that is my story of self defeat today. And for once it was defeating my bad side and worked in my favor! :)