Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I know I haven't done a blog entry in a little bit.
I have been so tired between work and school, that when
the evenings hit, I am curled up on the couch, just dying to
I did my weigh in today, before and after my workout. I normally
do it on Wednesdays, but I will be gone tomorrow, so I wanted
to make sure I did it.
According to my Wii Board, I am UP 1.3 lbs!
Going back and checking my food journals, I was a little
high some days, but I never though it would be enough
to cause me a gain.
Sighs. I am trying not to go back to my old habits of silenting
yelling myself, and asking "Why bother?" but I guess some habits
are hard to break.
I think I need to get a "Real Scale" but I haven't one in
YEARS because I get too obcessed with the numbers it displays.
I KNOW that I am more than a number, but sometimes, that seems
to be what matters.
Today, I am so livid with myself!
I find out I gained some weight, which caused disappointment.
It was my reaction that has completely upset me. I could
feel myself going through the motions of setting up a binge.
Part of me said "This isn't going to help! You're setting yourself
up for more disappointment this way!" the old part of me just
seemed to shrug. I have still journaled everything, but
really?! It DIDN'T HELP!
Then, I realized, that the binge isn't just about the weigh in.
Although, the weigh in DID make me feel like more of a disappointment
to myself and to others.
I am disappointed in myself due to issues with school right now.
I stopped studying again, because I am $211 behind in my payments
on it. So really, I CAN'T do anything school related except try
to study and then read the school forums. Which, thankfully, I am
learning something from!
I don't know. I'm just not happy today.