I'm gonna have a little pity party for myself. Would you like a cup of tea? Maybe a crumpet? Or maybe some non-dairy cheese to go with that whine?
I don't do this very often, but sometimes enough is enough and I reach my breaking point. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and I have no where to turn.
Today I found out that a very dear couple I know, that I used to work for, are moving to Texas. What is upsetting is that I worked for this couple, in their home for several years as we ran a successful construction company. We became family to each other. They are the most amazing people I've ever met. When the company had to shut down I hung on as long as I could to help them out,even taking a pay cut & working significantly less hours. When the doors finally shut, the tears flowed, but we vowed to still stay close.
But that's not what happened. The wife put up walls and I rarely heard from her. When we did see each other it was great! Just like old times...we laughed and enjoyed ourselves. But just as quickly it went back to silence.
So, time has passed and I sent her a Facebook message last night telling her how much I enjoyed looking at her family's pictures and how much I missed our time together. Today she told me how sorry she was that she had treated me that way, that it was a protective mechanism that she has a hard time controlling. When things shift into a new direction she just leaves everything and everyone else behind. She knows it was hurtful and she was sorry. Then she said," oh, I guess you aren't aware that we've sold the house and are moving to Texas. Long story, let's get together!"
huh?! My heart sank. I don't know why though.... I mean, what difference does it really make? They live in the same town as me, but we never see each other. So, what difference would it really make? I guess in my head, as long as they lived near, i had some chance of keeping the friendship alive.
I'm one of those girls that's always preferred having just a few close friends that I can trust. As I've gotten older I realize how much effort it takes to make new friends...I mean REAL "I know all of your worts and I still like you" kind of friends. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes effort on both people's part. And even then, you still just don't want to have to go through all the stories of your life just to get them caught up with where you are now. Honestly, sometimes everyone's just too lazy to do it. And then you have "surface friends". And surface friends are disposable. That sounds mean, but it's true. It's a lady you meet at your kids school, you go out for coffee once in a while, you venture off to a conference together. Lots of laughs but you don't really know each other. And if one day she left, oh well.....it was fun and you move on. Well, I don't like to work that way. I find those kinds of friendships really hurtful. If I invest time into a friendship it means something to me and, while I may not always have a lot of available time, I do try to keep in touch regularily.
Sorry, I know I'm rambling. I guess I'm just kinda lonely. I don't have many friends here in Phoenix, mainly because I'm so busy that I'm not really out and about meeting a lot of people. What little free time I have is usually spent with my family.
I'm not real happy with my work schedule (3 jobs), never see my husband (works nights), my daughters are away at college, and I have no free time to things I want to do. I know.....complain, complain. I just feel trapped and I don't know how to reshuffle things to make me happy, and I don't know anyone who is in a similar situation that could give me good input.
Ok. Well, sorry for that rambling.....but it helps to at least get it out there. I know there are no miracles. Some days are just weepy, sad days.... even those of us that are usually the "happy optimistic" ones in the group have our bad days.
Thanks for listening....