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Whining just a little, kinda down today.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I'm gonna have a little pity party for myself. Would you like a cup of tea? Maybe a crumpet? Or maybe some non-dairy cheese to go with that whine?
I don't do this very often, but sometimes enough is enough and I reach my breaking point. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and I have no where to turn.

Today I found out that a very dear couple I know, that I used to work for, are moving to Texas. What is upsetting is that I worked for this couple, in their home for several years as we ran a successful construction company. We became family to each other. They are the most amazing people I've ever met. When the company had to shut down I hung on as long as I could to help them out,even taking a pay cut & working significantly less hours. When the doors finally shut, the tears flowed, but we vowed to still stay close.
But that's not what happened. The wife put up walls and I rarely heard from her. When we did see each other it was great! Just like old times...we laughed and enjoyed ourselves. But just as quickly it went back to silence.
So, time has passed and I sent her a Facebook message last night telling her how much I enjoyed looking at her family's pictures and how much I missed our time together. Today she told me how sorry she was that she had treated me that way, that it was a protective mechanism that she has a hard time controlling. When things shift into a new direction she just leaves everything and everyone else behind. She knows it was hurtful and she was sorry. Then she said," oh, I guess you aren't aware that we've sold the house and are moving to Texas. Long story, let's get together!"
huh?! My heart sank. I don't know why though.... I mean, what difference does it really make? They live in the same town as me, but we never see each other. So, what difference would it really make? I guess in my head, as long as they lived near, i had some chance of keeping the friendship alive.

I'm one of those girls that's always preferred having just a few close friends that I can trust. As I've gotten older I realize how much effort it takes to make new friends...I mean REAL "I know all of your worts and I still like you" kind of friends. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes effort on both people's part. And even then, you still just don't want to have to go through all the stories of your life just to get them caught up with where you are now. Honestly, sometimes everyone's just too lazy to do it. And then you have "surface friends". And surface friends are disposable. That sounds mean, but it's true. It's a lady you meet at your kids school, you go out for coffee once in a while, you venture off to a conference together. Lots of laughs but you don't really know each other. And if one day she left, oh well.....it was fun and you move on. Well, I don't like to work that way. I find those kinds of friendships really hurtful. If I invest time into a friendship it means something to me and, while I may not always have a lot of available time, I do try to keep in touch regularily.
Sorry, I know I'm rambling. I guess I'm just kinda lonely. I don't have many friends here in Phoenix, mainly because I'm so busy that I'm not really out and about meeting a lot of people. What little free time I have is usually spent with my family.

I'm not real happy with my work schedule (3 jobs), never see my husband (works nights), my daughters are away at college, and I have no free time to things I want to do. I know.....complain, complain. I just feel trapped and I don't know how to reshuffle things to make me happy, and I don't know anyone who is in a similar situation that could give me good input.

Ok. Well, sorry for that rambling.....but it helps to at least get it out there. I know there are no miracles. Some days are just weepy, sad days.... even those of us that are usually the "happy optimistic" ones in the group have our bad days.
Thanks for listening....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know how you feel. But don't feel bad, emoticon life happens. Stay strong, take a few deep breaths and smile.
    1882 days ago
  • FT4EVR
    I think the same things....."I just want to be able to wake up and be excited about going to work (or even better, be able to stay home and do the things I'm passionate about). I look every week at jobs that are available though."

    I look every week at jobs before they are printed in the paper. I am able to do that because I work for a newspaper in the ad dept. I am either under trained because of no schooling or the pay is too low. Guess the thing I wish I could actually do is stay home!

    1886 days ago
    No, hubby doesn't even have any guy friends. He's not a real socialable person. Plus he's cautious in trusting people. He seems more content than I am in us just having each other. He doesn't want our family exposed to the antics of the military people he works with, so we don't socialize with his co-workers. We kinda end up isolated. He understands my desire for girl friends and he's supportive of any activities that I do plan with people.

    Raine, I feel kinda stuck in my work because while I get paid well to do it, I don't really want to do. So I'm not real excited to go hunt down another job doing something that I'd just rather not be doing. At least where I'm at I get paid well, and it's a casual, relaxed environment and I've known the owner for 10 years (which can be both good and bad). It could be a LOT worse, but still......I just want to be able to wake up and be excited about going to work (or even better, be able to stay home and do the things I'm passionate about). I look every week at jobs that are available though. So, I try to keep my options open. Maybe I'll look a little more.
    Thanks, everyone, for the input, it means a lot to me.

    1887 days ago
    I'm sorry you are having a rough time :( It is really hard to maintain real friendships - and making new friends is super hard too. I should know :(

    Do you think that with work you can maybe look for a new full-time job so that you dont need 3 jobs? I know finding jobs is hard right now with the economy and all, but it seems like it might be worth a try? I know that when I am miserable at work, it tends to make everything else in my life feel miserable too...
    1887 days ago
  • FT4EVR
    Knock, knock! Bringing the cheese since I am in Wisconsin! yes...nondairy too! So sit down in the nicest comfy chair since you are guest of honor at the party! Friends don't need to apologize for having a blue day!

    I prefer a few close friends over "acquaintances" too. I can talk to strangers in the grocery store but I like having friends that know me and like you said, you don't have to go over all the details of your past because they either know it or they remember it because they are your close friend.

    Are you friends with any of the wives that your hubby works with? I find that hubby has more friends to do things with because he doesn't need the closeness of a friend that I do. If someone likes to fish....off he goes. He doesn't feel the need to be able to relate with them on any level. Maybe that is just how men are?! I am not comfortable doing that. I feel like I need to be on guard and that I have to come up with things to say to keep the conversation going. That is not friendship to me.

    I also live in the country so no close neighbors to take walks with or run next door to borrow something etc. It limits doing things that many take for granted. I don't know if I have any answers for you but know that you are not alone.
    emoticon emoticon
    1887 days ago
    I can definitely relate.
    emoticon Hattie
    1887 days ago
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