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News, a muse and a vow

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Hi Sparkers!

OK, so it's been FOREVER, I know. I have been lurking around, tracking my fitness minutes as I've had time and, as it turns out, living a little too hard and fast in what was essentially maintenance my mind anyway. emoticon

Here's where my weight and such are at: I am sad and disappointed to admit that, as of this morning (after a week of the most workouts I've logged in a year and a unfair) I am up 13.5 pounds, at 137.5, from my lowest low of 124. I have updated my ticker, and life will move on.

I thought I still had a few pounds to go at 124. Ah, hindsight...kinda like in high school, at around 140, I thought I was SO FAT, and then saw 201 in my early 30s. Ha! Silly girl!

And I've been really down on myself for gaining so much weight back. I was NOT supposed to be "one of THOSE people." I was going to do it right the first time! And anyway, how could this happen?! Have I unlearned all my portion eyeballing tricks? I don't WANT to have to rely on measuring cups forever-- I am supposed to be "normal" now!

Whatever. The truth is half of my jeans are uncomfortably tight (enough to make any woman cranky) and my tummy, though it's never, ever been entirely attractive, is visibly flabbier than it had been just over the summer. But that's still no reason to be so vicious to myself.

So I'm dusting myself and my measuring cups off, and publicly making a vow to do better. I'm also pledging that it's OK to stumble a little bit as I get back onboard, and it does not warrant badmouthing myself over it. I am still eating around some food intolerances (primarily gluten- and cow's milk-free) and working out (and living altogether, really) around the pain and fatigue of fibromyalgia, but even with those annoyances, I can be as good or better than I once was! I simply cannot graze mindlessly (even on the best, most healthful foods) the way my awesome coworkers can, and there's no use crying about it or pretending I can and then acting surprised when the weight starts to creep up!

My 2013 plan to get back down to 125:
* 1400-1500 calories of GOOD, HEALTHFUL food per day
* Bike to and from work, for a total of nearly 10 miles a day, as winter weather permits
* 30 minutes of either extra cardio (Leslie Sansone), pilates or strength training with weights as many weekday mornings as my fibro will allow
* 30-60 minutes of yoga, tai chi and/or chi gong with my husband on weekends to replace the yoga class we had to abandon for now for financial reasons
* I have changed my profile image to Spark's "70 Pounds Lost" inspirational icon to remind myself WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF of amid this time of disappointment and frustration with myself, the scale, my body, not enough time in the day, etc. emoticon

That's right -- did you catch that little announcement above? That MY HUSBAND and I had been going to yoga together for a couple of months? After 8 1/2 happy years together, we finally got married on Dec. 12 -- yes, 12/12/12! emoticon

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Please don't feel left out of this news: our families didn't even know until about a week in advance, and that's because we sort of surprised even ourselves with the idea too! emoticon He proposed VERY unexpectedly back in late October. We officially announced our engagement to ours families at Thanksgiving time, and then very quickly decided to go with his choice of the memorable and once-in-a-lifetime date. I scrambled to get that week off, and we got the license and clothes and all that in the nick of time. Pictures will come eventually -- even I don't have any from my brother-in-law or other camera-toting attendees yet!

As I said, I've been pretty down on myself about this weight gain. I've also been frustrated by other life events -- my poor husband still fumbling through the job market with no luck despite some great talent and being an incredibly fast learner, hard worker and all-around go-getter, as just one example.

But yesterday I was blessed with meeting his cousin Deanna for the second time. The first time was brief, at a family funeral several years ago, but I've always recalled how much I instantly liked her. When I told him so, his response was something like "Oh, I'm not surprised -- Deanna's pretty much the best." emoticon

She's had a rough life riddled with health problems, and she's been mostly in one hospital or another for the past five years. Her father even broke rift-induced years of silence between him and his sister (my MIL) to tell her that Deanna was likely going to die.

So my husband and his mom went to see her almost immediately, and the reports were pretty grim. He started visiting her every week for nearly two months, and even with some slips here and there, she's been slowly getting better. She's even back in a rehab facility now and the strongest she's been in a while. She was beyond excited about our marriage and anxious to meet me again, and yesterday was finally the day.

Deanna really is, clearly, pretty much the best. Talk about inspiration! She's such a fighter, and so very positive about it all. I was blown away by her attitude. She never complained, but instead thanked god more than once for every day she's been given. She's had to become accustomed to asking for help, and her manner when doing so is exemplary for us all: a quiet and calm confidence underneath, an assuredness that it's OK and safe to need people, and a trust that they want to help as much as you need them to.

She even had gifts for my MIL and me: beautiful matching pashmina scarves! So incredibly thoughtful, and the whole situation has me feeling almost shameful about my whining about my First World problems.

So here's to Deanna and her struggle to stay alive, and to everyone here on Spark and our own struggles for healthier, more vibrant lives. It's really all that matters in the end! So I am trying hard to shift my focus from petty (gaining 10ish pounds) to meaningful (preserving and continuing to improve upon all the health and vibrance I've worked so hard to achieve over the past few years).

Onward and upward, my friends, in this beautiful and blessed 2013. May it be all we wish to make it!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • IRP1114
    Aww great story. Thanks for sharing. Good luck with your plan. I hope you are getting more into each of your goals now that Feb is coming :-)

    And congratulations!!! So cool the way it happened so quick. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1873 days ago
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    We never did celebrate your nuptials or birthday!!!

    Let me know when you want to have a big-bootie celebration!
    1875 days ago
    First of all CONGRATS on your marriage!!
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    As for being "one of those people" I totally get you. There have been many times over the years I've seen Spark members come, go, come again having gained back ALL of their weight. Hell, even *I* have gained back 9 lbs since my gallbladder surgery in 2011. We are both dealing with stuff though - life, food intolerances, fibro, sciatica (me)...and to that I say life is constant change and we have to evolve. My fitness plan got railroaded when I found out my lower discs may be non-existent. Bone on bone the massage therapist said. We'll see what the CT scan reveals when I see my Dr. on Feb 14 for my physical.
    I hope Deanna continues to do well and be inspiring!
    1879 days ago
    Oh my gosh!! I was reading along agreeing with everything you said and was approving of your goals and such and dropped the M bomb on me. You are married!!!!! Congratulations!! That is soooooooooooooo cool. My hubby and I were together for about 12 years when we got married in kind of the same manner on December 21. We didn't want a huge fuss. I don't do well in formal situations. I hope you have many happy years together.

    Deanna sounds great and I hope she has a complete recovery.

    1880 days ago
    You are the best! Congrats on your wedding! You are much more clever than I have been. It took me almost 2 years and 30 regained pounds to give myself that talking to. Ahh maintenance. It's tricky but we are worth the effort.
    1881 days ago
    Well, well, well... Congratulations! The weight will come off... just keep being sensible. Blessings to you and your family. Lots going on for you!
    1881 days ago
    First off- I hope Deanna pulls through brighter and better than ever!
    Second- you should get MAJOR points just for putting up with Chicago weather and riding a bike in it to boot?! Simply AMAZING! That's what you are!

    i think this January must have some sort of weird moon alignment or something. I know so many people, myself included, that are just not in the game right now. But together we can set things straight and find the sunshine! I know we can!

    Take care my friend!!
    1882 days ago
    Congrats on your wonderful news!!

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    1882 days ago
    This. Is. Awesome. That is all! :)
    1882 days ago
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