Don't worry, I'm not saying goodbye to Spark. Spark is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've met amazing people that I've come to love as we all go through this journey together. I just felt that I should blog about something I'm going through because I'm having a really hard time with. Not even my so-called meds are helping today. I keep having panic attacks out the wazoo and that's not helping the emotional pain I have today. Let me start from the beginning that some of you already know. My car wouldn't start the day after Christmas and my boss looked at it and guessed the timing gears went out on it. So I proceeded to try to sell it cuz I can't afford to fix it. I got an offer from a coworker and I thought nothing of it and considered taking him up on it cuz it was the only offer I got for the fact that it wasn't running anymore. Well, when my boss found out, he was pissed and decided to have it fixed for me and have me make payments back to him for it. That was about 3 weeks ago now. I asked him about a week and a half ago if they knew what was wrong with it. He said that all they knew at that point was that the fuel kept flooding out the spark plugs and that's why it wasn't starting. So yesterday he comes up to me and said they isolated the problem. I took one look at his face and knew it was over. I said, "It's not good, is it?" He said no. He was right. It's the timing gears. But the problem is that the engine that I have, there are two timing gears; one in the front and one in the back. In order to fix them, they'd have to take the whole engine out. That means the labor would be at LEAST $1200, but probably more, and then there's the cost of the parts. It'd cost more than the car is worth now. At least in book value. In emotional value, there is no price. I have so many memories in that car. I had it almost 9 years. I was 16 when my parents got it. I learned to drive in that car. They gave me the title for my 20th birthday. I'm almost 25 now. So I'm taking this really hard. Yesterday I had to raid my coworker, and ironically my future mother in law's, desk and took all her tissues. Today I'm still crying like a little baby. It's like having to say goodbye to my best friend almost. I know that I'm the only one with feelings here, but I felt like I had a bond with that car. She saved my life when I had that accident 3 years ago. I know if I'd had it in another car, I would have been severely injured but she saved me and was STILL running after. I had a warhorse for a car. And of course I feel so bad, I didn't care what I ate last night and ate my emotions away til I couldn't eat anymore. Not the smartest idea, but that's my coping mechanism. So to wrap this up, I'm saying getting my stuff and saying goodbye today cuz the mechanic guy said he'd take it for parts. At least her warrior spirit can live on in other cars, right? I can share the good times I had with others this way. I just don't wanna say goodbye is all. And to top it off I see the bankruptcy lawyer today, so it's quite a lot for one day. I'll try harder today to not let my emotions control what I eat today. As it stands I have what I call a food hangover and had to force my breakfast down. Okay, I'm done rambling on forever about my car and how much I love it and hate saying goodbye. Sorry for crying on everybody here. I must try harder to be strong.