Meeting My Needs First? What? Me First? Wow.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
I skimmed through a book yesterday called "The Secret Law of Attraction" (or something like that) by Talane? Somebody (sorry, I don't remember her last name, but there's a photo of a cute blonde chick on the back of the book). It was about attracting good love and finding a healthy relationship by meeting your own emotional needs - the right way - first. The author thinks that many of our bad habits like overeating, spending too much, etc. come from unmet emotional needs.
In society, being "needy" is a bad thing. We tend to demonize our emotional needs and consider them unimportant. I know that I do. I even have a tendency to look down on other women who are obviously clingy and overly needy when they get with a man. Inside of my head, I know never to let a man know just how much time I would love to spend with him in the beginning of a relationship because it might make me seem too desperate. People and animals can sense fear and desperation immediately. Desperation makes men run in the other direction. Good men, at least.
However, the ill effects of this type of living show up every day in our "bad habits". Because many of us have not taken the time to even determine what our personal emotional needs are, we cannot meet those needs in constructive ways. We enter love relationships being really "needy" and expecting the other person to do the work of fulfilling those needs when it's really our job to do so.
Example: Betty has a need to feel secure. She overeats to meet that need for a "security blanket" and to feel protected. However, instead of building up reserves in a bank account, where she'd actually be making her finances more secure, or learning how to speak up when her boundaries are being tested by others, and protecting herself emotionally, she builds up reserves on her body because it's easier. She always knows she can meet that need.
The author's claim is that when Betty begins to save money in a bank account (meeting her need for financial security) and when she learns to set clear boundaries and maintain them verbally (meeting her need for emotional security), Betty's need to overeat will gradually disappear. She'll lose that sense of fear and desperation and be able to attract better friends and find the relationship she's looking for.
Definitely worth a try...
*Addition: After reading the book more thoroughly (though not cover to cover), I learned that you can get your needs met two ways: (1) you can do it yourself and (2) you can ask others to help you. So I guess you will need others after all to work this program.
My Top Four Emotional Needs: (1) Clarity, (2) Peace/Balance, (3) Touch/Hugs, and (4) Honesty/lntegrity. Eye-opening for me...
What are yours?