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STEPH-KNEE
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If I Quit... (Letter To Myself)...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Hey, Hot Stuff!

Okay, so I wouldn't normally call you hot stuff, but that picture was too cute to resist! emoticon So you haven't had me on your case for a while, and I'm sure you hoped you wouldn't be hearing from me. The thing is, I know you better than, well, anyone! emoticon You can't lie to me or try to downplay how you are feeling, because I know the truth!

Let me tell you how you are feeling. You are feeling so many conflicting emotions, I don't even know where to start. Let's start with frustration. I know right now you are frustrated with the fact that you have weighed about 214 since Halloween. We all know what happened, you got down to 212, claimed your 60 pounds lost emoticon, and within a matter of a few days shot right back up to 214. You thought about giving up your trophy but you figured you'd be right back to 212 soon enough. Well I got news for you, it's the end of January and you are still hovering around 214. So part of you is extremely frustrated to not be making any progress.

But on the flip side of that you are a little proud... proud because by now you would have given up! You are about 10 months into this journey, and while you have not lost any significant weight in the past few months, you haven't gained any either. You got up to 218 for a hot minute, but right back down. Then up to 216 and now back down to 214ish. For someone who was previously a quitter, that's pretty freakin cool. You very easily could have gained back 20-30 pounds in that time if you had thrown in the towel, but you didn't.

But even with some sense of accomplishment, I find that you are reminiscing about "the old you". You know the one, the 272 pound Stephanie who ate whatever she wanted and could have won the gold medal in the Couch Potato Olympics. emoticon That Stephanie got to eat large quantities of greasy, salty food and had fast food essentially everyday. That Stephanie never had to weigh or track her food. That girl never gave a thought to how many calories were in anything, that girl found nothing wrong with days consisting of sitting unless she absolutely HAD to get up and do something. That girl didn't have a care in the world.

But wait a minute, you are only remember HALF OF THE STORY!! emoticon emoticon That girl weighed 272 pounds, and was miserable because of her weight. She would lay in bed each night and wish she could lose this weight. In fact, she wasn't even comfortable in bed, she felt like her neck fat was swallowing her neck and even had trouble breathing because the weight on her chest was so heavy. Turning over in bed felt like an Olympic sport.

That girl tried every diet under the sun, only to come back even heavier. That girl hated going anywhere because she knew everyone was staring at her, and many times she could even hear the comments. So when you have thoughts of going back to that lifestyle, make sure you are looking at the BIG picture.

Yes, you can have days filled with being lazy, lounging all day and eating all sorts of delicious greasy foods, but with that comes weight gain, torment, physical exhaustion, emotional turmoil and many other things. So when you think about taking the "easy" way out, you need to think it through.

If you chose to go back to your old ways, you will NO LONGER BE ABLE TO:
emoticon Say that you have lost almost 60 pounds.
emoticon Walk up your stairs without feeling the need to rest.
emoticon Walk laps at work and not get tired after 1 or 2.
emoticon Receive compliments from people at how much progress you have made.
emoticon Wear the smaller clothes you have recently purchased.
emoticon Walk around at the grocery store or other place without getting sweaty.
emoticon Say that this is the first time on a weight loss journey that you haven't quit!

And you will NEVER be able to:
emoticon Reach Onederland and get that ipod touch!
emoticon Get to your goal weight!
emoticon Get out of plus size clothing.
emoticon Feel GREAT about yourself and look great while feeling great!
emoticon Get back your confidence you lost from gaining all this weight.
emoticon Truly be at peace with yourself and your body.

So the decision is yours. I know you, and you are a stubborn little thing. It doesn't matter anyone else says, because at the end of the day you will do whatever you want. So make your choice, but when you do it please remember that the 272-pound-Stephanie...


was not a very happy Stephanie. I trust you will make the right choice! emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v EATVEGAN
    Love the kitty! Focus on the things you're doing right. I lost 50 and regained 15. When you're going up instead of down l5 feels like 50. Libelulita is right. When you're going up the weight is far worse feeling. You did amazing to plateau instead of gaining. I'm proud of you. Glad you recognize that for yourself. emoticon emoticon
    1208 days ago
  • v PROJECT_SUSAN
    Steph, this is such a great letter to yourself. This is something that you need to read in those moments when you are struggling with those food choices. This is what you should read when you get down on yourself about your progress. It is right on point! I can relate to much of what you said.

    You are making great progress and I am seeing so many positive things happening for you in this process. You are learning so much about yourself and seeing just what the past choices have done to hold you back but look at all that you have accomplished. You are such a stronger person than you were before and you are getting stronger and more confident each day.

    emoticon
    1215 days ago
  • v MERRY_XMAS
    What an amazing letter... Thank you so much for sharing!
    Well done for your progress!
    emoticon
    1217 days ago
  • v IRONBLOSSOM
    GREAT idea and GREAT progress! I've been depressed because I only lost 20 pounds last year and over the holidays and a vacation I gained ten of them back! You've lost SIXTY!!! That is AMAZING and you should be proud and keep focused. It does suck to have to count calories all the time, and it takes more work to avoid the drive through in favor of the vegetable aisle...but it's so worth it! Remember the bad with the good and you'll never give up. :-)
    1218 days ago
  • v TERRIH8118
    emoticon Great blog.
    1218 days ago
  • v ATTACKFATCAT
    It's frustrating when you hit that "XX pounds lost" mark and then you go right back up a few pounds. The thing is, you still lost that weight, which means....you can do it again! So there's no need to get rid of the trophy because you actually did lose that weight!

    Print this letter out and keep it by your bed, couch, where you might need a pick-me-up. I'd also print the picture out of the kitten meme and put it on your bathroom mirror. Not only will it help give you a smile, it'll give you a visual reminder of this letter and where you want to be.
    1218 days ago
  • v BOGUSANNIE
    emoticon emoticon
    1218 days ago
  • v KTACKEBE
    WHAT A GREAT IDEA TO WRITE TO YOURSELF AS A REMINDER TO HOW FAR YOU'VE COME!! emoticon
    1218 days ago
  • v WEBEZE
    Awesome Blog. Words to live by. I have been feeling stuck myself. Weight is within 2 pounds of my last doctor visit in October. I have been so bummed not knowing how to get unstuck. Wonderful words to keep me going. I may be stuck, but I haven't given up this time, and the weight hasn't shot back up. Good things to remember.
    1218 days ago
  • v TEGOCHU
    This is such a great idea! It's so easy to think of only the bad thoughts going through our minds, so it's awesome writing out all the great things about ourselves! This is the perfect thing to look at whenever you even consider giving up.. you've come way too far to give up now!! Maybe your body's just gotten used to certain exercises and you need to change up your routine? Or lower your calories a bit? Either way, I'm sure you'll work it out! Keep it up! :) emoticon
    1218 days ago
  • v HEATHERFREE
    LOVE LOVE LOOVE this!!! You can do it, one day at a time, you WILL keep moving
    1218 days ago
  • v DUMBBELLE84
    Really great blog, Stephanie. When our weight hasn't changed much over what seems like a long period of time (because now we're actually trying!!) its so easy to forget how we felt before. I think I'm going to have to write a letter like this sometime too.

    Thanks for being you. You are an inspiration to many for your honesty, determination, and imperfection. One day very soon, the Stephanie on the outside will more accurately reflect the Stephanie on the inside. You are absolutely deserving.


    1218 days ago
  • v PUNKADOO
    Wow! You encapsulated so much of what I have been feeling! Thank you so much!
    1219 days ago
  • v LISAN0415
    You have come so far, and you know you can do it! If you can lose 50 + pounds, you can do anything!!!

    -LIsa
    1219 days ago
  • v EMMAEKAY
    EXCELLENT BLOG! Love this, love you!
    1219 days ago
  • v RWILSON19
    All I can say is wow, you are so moving. I almost cried because Im the same way
    1219 days ago
  • v JACOBSBELOVED
    I love this letter! We all need to give ourselves a pep talk every now and then, and who better to give it than someone who has been where you've been? Like you said, you can't downplay feelings to yourself so who better to pick you up than the one person who knows everything? :)

    I want you to get through this plateau so bad! I want you to feel better and I know it would give you so much inspiration all the way to Onederland!


    1219 days ago
  • v GEMINIGEM6
    I love this. What a great way to remind yourself of all you've accomplished and what you don't want for yourself anymore in such a loving way! You are gonna go all the way. This is just part of the journey and you are quick to reel it back in. Just don't ever quit! That's the only way you won't reach your goals! Just b/c you've hovered around the same weight for a couple of months is not a bad thing at all. You haven't gained either! That in and of itself is a great accomplishment. Believe me...I def know! Lol. Cuz I DID gain weight back. I am on my way back down though and I am not quitting either and seeing you do the daggone thing makes me feel I can do it too! :)
    1219 days ago
  • v JESSICA_STULTZ
    Your smile in the picture seems only like a half-smile.. almost like you were reluctant to even take the picture. You have definitely be come a more happy Stephanie with the weight loss. You can tell the confidence it has given you. I remember some of the sufferring I went through. I remember taking my kids swimming at the lake and when we were up on the beach building sandcastles.. this group of people mooed at me. Not all at once but I think they were trying to make sure I heard. I didn't acknowledge them but they have no idea how much that stung. And I definitely remember everytime someone laughed.. I felt like they were laughing at me. We know you are not going to give up.. You've got to get that Ipod Touch and can you just imagine telling people that you've lost 100 pounds? I know you said your goal was 180 for the time being.. but may go to 170. That'd be over 100 pounds lost.. and we know emoticon . emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v KASTASTROPHY
    and you will never be able to dress up like cinderella all hot like!!! =D And i WILL see that from you soon!!!!
    1219 days ago
  • v TIMELAG
    I love your blogs! I am 100% confident that you won't go back to the old Stephanie. Please read your own words to yourself often. They are powerful, and so are you!
    emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v WOOHOOFORYOU
    I love this. I love your attitude and self-love!
    1219 days ago
  • v JUSTLIKEALICE
    You are beautiful. :)

    (Everything else was already taken!)
    1219 days ago
  • v NUTZ4HARRY
    Awesome blog!! It is great when you put it all out there!! emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v JECKIE
    You are amazingly awesome! Keep it up!
    1219 days ago
  • v MAHGRET
    Thanks for sharing, this really made me think.
    1219 days ago
  • v AMARILYNH
    This is an amazing blog - reading it started my day off JUST RIGHT!!

    YES - concentrate on how much more fit and healthy you are feeling since losing weight!! How you look is just a small part of the picture. The people who love you care WAY less about how you look than how you FEEL!! Not getting out of breath is HUGE - feeling fit is HUGE!!

    NOT GAINING is HUGE!! Consider that you've been giving your body a chance to adjust to your new lower weight - as any of us who spent our lives yo-yo-ing can attest, NOT GAINING ROCKS!!

    You are strong - you can do anything you decide to do!! Just keep eating healthy food and keep MOVING - you WILL reach your goals and you'll feel great while you are doing it!! emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v LIBELULITA
    And as someone who went from 253 to 132 pounds last year and then right back up to 201 pounds let me tell you you think you remember 272 pound Stephanie but you only half remember. I thought I remebered until I've got back here and even though I 've still lost over 50 pounds I can tell you it's twice as bad as I remembered.

    Don't even entertain going back there.

    You are a great friend to yourself and have given yourself an excellent talking to. You say you're stubborn and it doesn't matter what others say to you....so go listen to yourself emoticon emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v AELI2468
    You are AWESOME!!! And you WILL make progress with BLC21 and GET TO ONEDERLAND - and more importantly, Get that IPOD touch!

    emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v LRSILVER
    Stephanie. You are wearing smaller clothes!!
    You will get to goal. You will be in onderland before you know it.
    You are not quitting.
    You are a winner.
    Now start pushing yourself. You know the 3000 calorie days are not helping.
    I have faith in you.
    Keep on pushing.
    emoticon
    Lynn
    1219 days ago
  • v AMCLELLAN
    This is a great letter. You can do this. We all get stuck sometimes. You will make it through. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v EMMELINEE3
    Dear Steph;

    always remember the weight is only half of you. That message came from the other half I call it my better half.

    Smile, Smile, Smile :)

    Emmeline
    1219 days ago
  • v AMANDACOETZER
    Great!
    1219 days ago
  • v BEANIES_MOM
    Thank you for sharing this! You have a wonderful attitude and I absolutely loved this blog. You are already a success and will continue to be one! emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v GRACEMCC45
    Only through kindness and love like this can anyone succeed. This is 100% the best attitude to have - THANK YOU for not beating yourself up or doing tough-love. This was a treat to read, Stephanie!

    emoticon
    1219 days ago
  • v BETHIEBOOPS
    emoticon This post made me teary. I can HEAR the love in your tone to yourself- and *ah!* it's amazing. I know how frustrated you are with your plateau (mini maintenance) and I am so excited to see you break through., but reading how kind you are to yourself (in a tough way) is so beautiful. You are so strong, your body is powerful, and you CAN do anything you want to. That's the message I hear you telling you, and what a beautiful message to inspire yourself with!
    1219 days ago
  • v WILSON1926
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1219 days ago
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