Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Mmm. A few weeks in and I don't know what I feel or think but I now know a few truths about myself:
-if I can't have perfection, I just don't want to do it. So, in the past, I have either binged or starved. To combat the notion of perfection, I have to regularly engage in positive and calming self-talk. Let's say that in the middle of uneasiness, unhappiness or self-doubt it isn't easy to talk to your self in a soothing way!
- I am very lonely and have difficulty relating to others. Food has been and continues to be my friend. I feel lost without the ability to smother my unhappiness with food.
- I am impatient. I must lose all my excess weight in a month or else I am a failure.
- I care too much about what others think about me yet I rebel against any kind of restraint/constraint.
-I am judgemental and critical of myself and those around me.
-I am standoffish and use my weight to keep people away from me. I barricade myself in a wall of fat.
So now I know more about myself and why I am overweight. I haven't found the answers to help me yet but I will keep plugging away.