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Stop the ride! I just want to get off.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Mmm. A few weeks in and I don't know what I feel or think but I now know a few truths about myself:
-if I can't have perfection, I just don't want to do it. So, in the past, I have either binged or starved. To combat the notion of perfection, I have to regularly engage in positive and calming self-talk. Let's say that in the middle of uneasiness, unhappiness or self-doubt it isn't easy to talk to your self in a soothing way!
- I am very lonely and have difficulty relating to others. Food has been and continues to be my friend. I feel lost without the ability to smother my unhappiness with food.
- I am impatient. I must lose all my excess weight in a month or else I am a failure.
- I care too much about what others think about me yet I rebel against any kind of restraint/constraint.
-I am judgemental and critical of myself and those around me.
-I am standoffish and use my weight to keep people away from me. I barricade myself in a wall of fat.

So now I know more about myself and why I am overweight. I haven't found the answers to help me yet but I will keep plugging away.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Excellent post. I completely relate to what you are saying. Food is my best friend too, like a high school one, a mature best friend would try to keep me out of trouble instead of leading me straight into it. Loneliness and over eating seems to go hand in hand for me so eating right and losing weight is more than just diet and exercise it is challenging all notions of self and stepping outside comfort zones. NOT EASY TO DO. I hear you I hear you I hear you.

    Let the battle commence!
    1762 days ago
    You are learning about yourself and how you feel, now you can make the changes necessary to help you!
    One day at a time, my friend!
    1860 days ago
    I agree with Wendy and Susie...it is a matter of many small steps adding up. You have done a great job in identifying how your relationship to food plays out. Now is not the time to beat yourself up for any of this, but to seek support and there are a lot of Spark teams designed to do just that.

    I have come across another Spark member whose journey has taken time but is so incredibly inspiring.

    She can be found by searching for ~Indygirl

    This is the link to her page:


    If I may I would also suggest her own Spark Team: Team ~Indygirl

    This is the link:


    I wish you all the best with your journey. Please remember that we all have our detours, ups and downs and plateaus - and are here to support each other along the way.

    Congratulations on taking your first steps with Spark People!
    1860 days ago
    We all have a armour around ourselves when we think we are less than we really want to be.
    Now is the time to make the changes within yourself, so you can accept that you can do this. You seem to have made the realisation that you can actually do this.

    Baby steps my friend Baby steps. Learn to take it one day at a time and you will get to where you want to be..
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1860 days ago
    this is a lifestyle change not a diet. Be proud that you have been able to work this out about yourself, at least you should be able to start to make smome changes now. One step at the time and you will get there.
    emoticon m emoticon m emoticon
    1860 days ago
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