Monday, January 21, 2013
So... I try to keep my writings in my journal and in my blog (what little blog I have to date) positive. But I also know part of the purpose in the type of writing that goes into a journal or blog is to get out your feelings, so right now I'm going to open up a bit about some not so positive stuff.
Right now me and my boyfriend are in a fight. He is locked up in one room of our 2 bedroom apartment. I hate when we fight, especially at night. I can't sleep, which means I go to work tired which makes my work (listening to people's struggles and helping them through) just a bit harder. It was an innocent little thing that got twisted around (isn't that how a lot of fights go? miscommunication or misinterpretation). I've noticed it happens a lot on his end though, where he gets angry because he thinks I'm thinking something. And I never am and I keep telling him this again and again and it just does not seem to sink in. I am quite honest with how I feel and how I think, I don't do the whole "you should know why I am upset" thing. It's just frustrating. I mean I know we'll work things out and things will be okay like always, just hate feeling like there's nothing else going on for me but there's nothing I can do until he clears his head.
But something else that's just making me bleh is just thinking that I have no one really to talk to. I don't have that many friends in my life, depending on your definition of friends. The ones I have are all busy with life (job, kids...) and we don't talk or see each other much. I'm also pretty shy and reluctant to "impose" so I have difficulty just messaging or asking to do stuff (I do do it, just can get easily discouraged). The only people who I end up seeing or talking to frequently tend to do the initiating, and the ones of those nature that I have gotten involved with also tend to be the more intense so it gets to the point where I see them so much or they get so attached I have to back off because it's past a point I am comfortable. Initiating and doing more social things is one of the areas I have set about wanting to work on in 2013. I know it's an issue and until recently, haven't really wanted to work on it because I've had other things going on I put as more important. But it's times like now I really wish I could just text someone about the crap I was doing with and hang out or just talk for an hour or so and have a friendly face to be around.
Anywho as I said, I try to be more positive on these things and I know I'll be okay so I'm not worried. Just something I wanted to get off my chest. Even feeling how I feel right now, I know I am overall in a very good place - in fact the healthiest place I have been my entire life. I am working to increase that upward trend and am optimistic about my path.