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You shook me all night long...

Monday, January 21, 2013

Eww... get your mind out of the gutter! That's not what this blog's about.

For the BLC I was tasked to overcome something this week that's been holding me back or that I've been too chicken sh*t to tackle. I don't think that's how they phrased it exactly but it's pretty darn close.

I decided I would relocate my walking routine from inside on the treadmill to outside on the pavement.

I don't like to walk outside much. I can't gauge how fast I'm going... blah blah blah... yeah right Kristina. Tell the 2.5 people reading this why you really don't like to walk outside. Go ahead... they're both waiting.

Ok. Fine.

I feel like if I'm walking by myself (and not just walking the dog), then people will do a double take and start to pass judgment.

"Oh, look. The big girl thinks she trying to exercise. She needs to pick up her pace if she wants to see ANY kind of results."

So I told myself this weekend to just get it over with, it can't be that bad. But then I suffered a jumping jacks injury that delayed me a bit.

Oh yes. You read that right. Jumping jacks. You know... the movement every child in America can do blindfolded while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance backwards? Yeah. Those kind of jumping jacks.

Well my left calf was killing me all weekend therefore it prevented me from walking outside. There was no way in hell I was going to perform my first outside walk while injured. I would have just been limping around inviting even more imagined negative conversations. I could hear them already.

"Oh, look. The big girl thinks she's trying to exercise. Does she know she's doing it completely wrong? Why is she dragging her leg like that? Poor thing. Tsk. Tsk."

So I waited until I was partially healed up and did my walk then. Which was today, Monday. It still counts for the BLC so that's good.

I grabbed my sunglasses (aka my invisibility cloak) and dug around until I found my long forgotten iPod. I needed some pump up music and AC/DC never fail to do that to me. Side note - that's where the blog title comes in- see, it's not naughty at all.

I then had to wait another 15 minutes while I charged the iPod because apparently the battery doesn't stay charged while collecting dust in a desk drawer for a year. Who knew?

Once everything was in order - I was off. I was briskly making my way down the street and around the neighborhood.

I'm happy to announce that I survived my walk with little to no limping on my part. But I think I'll skip the jumping jacks for a little while now.

I have to remember I can't jump around like a kid anymore and expect there to be no consequences and/or humiliation.

That reminds me of the last time I injured myself pretty badly... (que the wistful music while the scene fades)

When I was working on the cruise ship, it was Christmas Eve and I was the late night person on duty. That meant my last shift of the day was 10pm to 2am. During that shift we only had 5 kids in the center but I still had to stay open for them.

So, me being the awesome youth staff that I was, I got a fun game of Gaga ball started for the kids. Every kid loves this game - they go nuts when we play it.

Gaga Ball's kind of like dodgeball but the ball has to stay on the ground the whole time while the kids try and roll it around and get each other out. In any case, there's a lot of jumping around to avoid getting hit by the ball.

While most of the staff just sit out and watch the game as it's being played - I decided to join in. So I'm dodging the ball left and right and not doing too bad of a job of it if you ask me.

Well apparently my balance and coordination was not as good as the other children because while trying to pull off a wicked awesome mid-air turnabout, I came down hard on my left ankle and rolled it really bad. And I mean REALLY bad. I hit the ground hard and didn't (couldn't) move.

So I'm lying in the middle of the floor thinking I've just broken my ankle when a kid who's about 10 years old comes over to me.

I think 'Oh how nice. He's coming over to offer me some assistance and see if I'm ok.'

Nope. Apparently during my fall I must have also bumped my head because I temporarily forgot how selfish and uncaring most kids are.

He politely asks me "Can you please move? You're in the way of our game."

Who cares if I'll never be able to walk again without a limp? Just as long as I'm not in the way of the little sh*ts who are playing a stupid ball game.

But at least he asked politely. So there I was at 11:30pm on Christmas Eve crawling Rambo-style off to the side dragging my now unresponsive left foot behind me.

I toughed it out the rest of the night and went to the ship's doctor the next day where Nurse Nazi who did my x-ray's decided to place my foot in two of the most awkward positions possible to get her shots. Thanks for that by the way!

They said it was just a very bad ankle sprain, nothing broken - thank goodness. So I spent Christmas day in my cabin in pain. Happy holidays to me.

The one positive note to being confined to my cabin was that I missed the gift giving all the youth staff had to go do. It would have required me to wear an elf costume all day long, so I guess there's a silver lining in there somewhere.

I really need to stay away from children's activities from now on. You'd think I would've learned my lesson by now. I've got to just accept defeat and start acting my age before an impromptu game of red rover sends me on a nice ambulance ride.
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  • KREESE116
    HAHA! I absolutely love your blogs! And I have always had the same thoughts about walking outside by myself. I get the IPOD and refuse to look out at the street or at anyone walking by. The joys of low self-esteem!

    And I am forever hurting myself. I pulled or twisted or did something to my inner thigh muscle doing lateral lunges! I guess I went a little too low haha! I CANNOT do jumping jacks for the life of me Maybe about 10 then my ankles feel like they're gonna break and my knees are gonna buckle. I'm very accident prone as well. Always bumping into walls, desks (my legs are ALWAYS bruised from hitting the corner of my desk haha). I have fallen in the middle of the hallway in highschool for no reason..and in front of the entire school! At least i know i'm not the only one hehe!
    1728 days ago
  • MINE_AH13
    First, you are HILARIOUS. I literally LOLd and woke my hubby up.

    Secondly, when I see a "big girl" out walking I think "good for her!!" (I wont lie though, please make sure your workout clothes actually fit and we don't have to see side boob and butt crack. If they don't fit I will judge you). In fact, for months I saw this lady out walking every day. She had become more of a passing thought "Walking chick is out again" but when I came back after a two week vacation I actually SAW her again. I was floored! She has lost at least 50 maybe 75 lbs. She is actually part of my inspiration to get back to it! Who knows, maybe you can inspire someone too! I think giving someone the motivation to better themselves is totally worth a few snarky thoughts from random strangers, dont you?

    As for injuries...I swear I shouldnt be allowed to walk. My hips and arms are always bruised from walking into doors and walls. This one time, when I was in the Army, we were walking in formation and I tripped over absolutely nothing and took 4 other people down with me, busted my lip on someones boot, and sprained my wrist. Talk about embarrassing. For weeks I heard "Watch out! There is ground in front of you!" and similar things.
    1731 days ago
    Great job on the walk! And, my dear, are you a certified mind reader? If so, tell me how I can sign up. If not, why not project positive thoughts from others. You never know what road others are on. Your fellow walkers may look at you and wish their SOs were out walking too. Or perhaps they envy your awesome sunglasses and how you happy you look rocking out to your ipod. Positive assumptions are far more fun!
    1731 days ago
    I was thinking AC/DC all the way. I blame you for my dip in the gutter.

    My unfavorite "injury" comes from 4th grade. We were in gym class, playing some game with a giant beach ball....and I got run over by the beach ball. I did end up missing the next couple days of school, but that was from the illness that surely contributed to me getting steamrolled by a freaking beach ball.
    1731 days ago
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