Monday, January 21, 2013
Sorry I've been scarce, but the last month has been nuts. I was out of town for the holidays and a bunch of drama ensued between the husband and I s my whole living situation has been up in the air. I'm still not sure how all that's going to work out, but I've accepted that I can do my part but I can't change him and it's just going to frustrate me to keep trying to.
Anyway, this and other things have convinced me that 2013 is the year I get my life back. I've already started some with trying to lose weight and get in shape, but this made me realize that there are other areas of my life I need to start taking care of, too. I'm tired of just existing and putting everything for me on hold and running myself down trying to take care of everyone else.
One of the big things I'm doing this year is making new friends. I've cut a lot of toxic and hateful people out of my life over the past couple years, but hadn't really made any friends to replace them, so I've been lonely and leaning on my husband and my internet friends far too much. Yes, internet friends are awesome, but I need people I can be myself around in real life, too. I'm trying to get more involved in my community and start doing volunteer work again and I've joined a local mom's group and a book club that seems pretty cool. Once I get in better shape and get a job where I can afford to do it, I'm also going to get back into roller derby.
I'm also working on getting some control over my finances. I lost my job when I was pregnant and didn't try too hard to find another because there was an expectation with most of my friends that I would be a stay at home mom anyway. I had been making more than my husband and had excellent insurance and benefits, which I lost, then he went through a series of layoffs and pay cuts which put is in a really tight financial position. Most jobs here don't pay very well and daycare is expensive, so I've been doing some work from home. I've applied for a few other jobs but, so far, none has worked out (I got one good offer, then they started a hiring freeze). In the meantime, I'm focusing on freelance writing and online work, and am in the process of testing for a p/t online job that pays well.
Once I do have some income, I am going to invest more in my overall health. There's a nearby gym that has childcare and lots of classes, and I want to rejoin both to meet people and to make it easier to stick to an exercise program. I'm also going to get back into counseling/therapy. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and it was so much easier when I was seeing a psychiatrist. Both have greatly improved since I got treatment for hypothyroid and vitamin D deficiency, but I still have days when I'm really tense or really depressed and not wanting to do anything, and just having someone to talk to and sort of help me keep things in perspective helps a lot.
The main thing I'm trying to do is just get more involved in life and find and do things that make me happy. One of the things I do when I'm stressed and depressed is isolate myself, which makes things worse, saps my energy, and then I give up on fitness and any other goals I have at the time. I feel like if I start giving myself things to look forward to and surrounding myself with people to care about, and maybe who have similar goals, that my whole outlook on life will get better ad I will be more motivated to reach the goals I set.