Monday, January 21, 2013
I had restarted Cycle 1 last week and was very happy to see one and half pounds gone on Friday morning. My husband and I sat around Friday night watching movies and wanting some chocolate. I had not craved anything chocolate in months!!He begged me to make some chocolate oatmeal cookies that we both love...well, we joked about it and I never gave in all night. When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had accomplished something MAJOR by not giving in to the cravings. We left for a daytrip away to go to the movies and shop around. We ate lunch at a Mexican restaurant that has the best salsa in the world. I had grilled chicken salad (no tortilla bowl, but maybe a little white cheese) and my husband had fajitas (no beans or rice). I used the salsa as my dressing so that was good. Well, here is where the stinkin thinkin came into play...I thought well, we did not give in to chocolate last night so I think I will just eat chips..only a few and not feel guilty about it...well, I DID eat chips...we probably ate TWO BASKETS of chips with that delicious salsa. Then we went to the mall and just smelled the Cinnabon and walked past (thank goodness we were still full from all of those dang chips!)...decided to get out of there because it was so packed with people and all I could think about was catching the flu...Next, we went to the movies and as he approached the snack bar, I told him that I did not want anything...so he bought a Diet Coke and uh..a box of Butterfingers...okay,...tellin
g myself that I would not eat any did not work because I had a few during the movie (all my husband's fault...you see he forced me to eat them, right?) After the movie we shopped for snacks at Sam's for my son's high school to sell..snickers, skittles, sour ropes, reese cups...oh, lawd...we are contributing to the childhood obesity problem, but they have to pay for the prom some way...anyway, I actually picked up a ginormous bag of chocolate something.....I came to my senses and put them back...what is wrong with me??? I haven't craved chocolate in months...well, after shopping for what we needed...Greek yogurt, red grapes, ground turkey, shredded cabbage, etc....we headed back home..halfway there it was 9 pm and we were ravenous so we stopped to eat dinner (eating out again!...you guessed it, another Mexican restaurant...I just did a repeat of what I had for lunch and I munched on the chips AGAIN...when we got home, I was still thinking about chocolate so I broke down and made a batch of chocolate oatmeal cookies ..you would have thought I was on one of those cooking contest shows and the time was running out! I guess I was subconsciously thinking that I had blown it so why not go ahead and give in...well, I ate so many that my stomach hurt when I went to bed (I call it the "I ate too much Halloween candy syndrome"....dumb move...well, it did not stop there...I made another batch the next afternoon to eat while watching the Falcons football game....I finally threw them in the freezer today and actually should be throwing them out the door...I don't know why they are called cookies...more like candy...butter, sugar, cocoa, oatmeal...an easy 2 or 4 pound weight gain!!! Now, I did it ...it is over...done with...what can I learn from this...didn't I learn the same thing a few months earlier with peanut brittle...my husband and I work together as a team to eat healthy...trying to set an example for our son who needs to lose weight ...we were codependents of eating junk last weekend...I end up eating more of the junk than he does...this sets me back for weeks..when will I ever learn??? I keep saying that I will restart cycle 1 and do it perfectly...am I on an unhealthy start- restart cycle...I don't want to be...I am trying to think of why I went crazy so I won't do it again...I have to get this weight off for good..it has been too many years of carrying it around...I want to be free!.........................
.........just went back and read this...absolutely sounds so stupid that I am embarrassed to post it, but I am anyway...I am just sitting here shaking my head...I think I will go for a long walk to clear my head!