Monday, January 21, 2013
I hate migraines. I'm not emotionally ready yet to go into real details, yet, I don't think. I know I haven't even really talked about my surgeries, either. I think that's because here, I can be completely open and honest, and I'm just not there yet. Yes, it's been a year, one week, and one day since the first surgery, but still...just not there yet.
Anyway, I had three migraines this weekend. Three! That really threw me for a loop. I was not emotionally ready to handle having a migraine, and physically, well - I should have planned better.
See, after my surgeries, I think I almost expected my migraines to go away completely. When they didn't, I was devastated. I hunted down a neurologist I saw before my surgeries, and explained I had gone through with the surgery route despite his disapproval. He was so understanding, and promised to do whatever he could to help me. We tried a new medicine, and I thought, this is it! It's working, it's great, and I"m almost headache free. Awesome!
I've had a couple of bad migraines since starting that medicine, and of course a few of my nasty headaches, but nothing gut-wrenching, crying, unable to move or even breathe type. Until this weekend. And that sucked. I was devastated, I admit. So, I ate. I sent hubby to the store with a list, and I ate. And ate. And ate some more. In fact, I think I still feel stuffed - ugh.
Good news is, I didn't binge nearly to the point where I used to. Super proud of me for that. Also, although I wasn't able to work out, I'm not beating myself up over it. It was just not going to happen, no way, no how. I'm happy to say I am not upset over that, or trying to figure out a way to punish myself somehow.
Bad news is, I binged. I didn't exercise. Therefore, I gained weight. Ick. But, now I'm starting to think of making another emergency kit. I had one for lupus flares, but it got used up and never replaced. Perhaps now I should make a new one, for any illness I come down with. Fill it with good, wholesome, but craving-fulfilling snacks, and maybe a couple of magazines and a book. Stash it away, and have it ready when, and if, I need it. I have to give that some more thought.
In the meantime, I'm back on my exercise game plan - no reason not to, right? Makes such sense now.
And, I'm still working on the grocery list/menu, but I have a few things to get me started. Thanks to my good thinking last week, I have one night of soup frozen and two nights' worth of burrito filling frozen. I just have to grab some tortillas, guacamole ingredients, and maybe a salad and we're good to go. Nice to know I could have even sent hubby for those things, and we would have dinner if needed.
Why did I not do that on my migraine days? I wanted to binge. Badly. And I did. I let the depression get deep into me, but I'm learning, slowly, to stop doing that, and face my demons down, not shove them back with food.
I think I've showed some major growth here the past couple of weeks, and a lot of it is due to my spark friends. I may not always comment, but your blogs are all amazing and inspiring. So thank you.