Monday, January 21, 2013
I just had a situation that put me in a place of unhappiness/contnetion. I had that all too familiar feeling again of throwing in the towel and was inner talking the following: "Ah, crap!! I don't care anymore, I will eat badly and I'll show them!! - Food always provides happiness and I will hurt others with my bad eating". This is total BS. I actually try to justify poor habits and behavior by avoidance of the issue by eating and self deprecation. I lose sight of the issue and wallow in my sorrow and food (temporarily and of course consuming large calories).
The great news is that today, I didn't eat badly and realized that I was going to only hurt myself. Although I still feel bad and have contention, I somehow have to pull myself up and workout to better the situation (I have not done a workout today and this is the perfect time). This is a strange feeling because whenever I feel bad, I eat and find comfort (then after I am done, I feel worse). The food provides a temporary relief and numbs the thoughts of the problem at hand - avoidance of the issue. This self understanding is vital to my success and seeing how 'bad' connections are made; also trying to reconnect contention or sadness with better behavior (not perfect, just better or not as bad).
Although I do still want to eat or so I think, this writing is strengthening my inner core to seek alternative ways to express my feelings rather than calorie intake. I feel as if the unhappiness is leaving my body through my fingertips as I type. After a few minutes of this, the initial shock/bad feeling of wanting to eat goes away and I 'settle down' in my mind seeking to feel better through alternative means. I hope this makes sense to you when you reread next time this happen. Love yourself Dave and GREAT JOB!!!
is now pissed ; "I think he's catching on guys, we're gonna have to change strategies and get him to eat no matter what!!!"