Sunday, January 20, 2013
I had another binge-fest last night, and I am ready to change my habits and stop sabotaging myself.
I dreamed last night that I was abducted. At first I was with two men, and we were in a hallway of a school building. I mouthed to a teacher "Call 9-1-1", and waited with the men in the hallway. They weren't doing anything to me, just making verbal threats, but soon I realized no one was going to help me, and that I was actually free to get up and walk away.
Soon I'm with another woman, who had been with the first group of men, and I'm afraid of her, and trying to get away, and hoping she's not going to hurt me if I run away. She's by my side like a shadow, verbally attacking me and threatening me. It's really hot outside and we are outside of a high school. I decide to go near the building and stand in the shade -- maybe she'll leave. She doesn't, and I'm feeling intimidated and nervous. Then she smiles, and pulls out an ice cream treat from her purse, and hands it to me with a sly grin. I praise her for her stealth, and am just about to take a bite...
...and then I wake up, and realize all this sabotaging has been of my own doing. I've been listening to the wrong voices, letting my "shadow" do the talking. Well no more.
And I don't even eat ice cream any more! LOL
So today began a new way of thinking and being. It starts with changing my tracker and being honest about today's weigh-in.
This morning I spent a long time doing spiritual reading, focusing on the topic of "action." It set me up for a successful day.
I kept moving, got busy with housework and detailed cleaning, fueled by the passages I read this morning. It dawns on me that although tracking is very successful for me, when I see the amount of calories I've eaten and see a deficit, in my mind I think "Hey, you have room to eat 300 more calories," even if I'm not hungry. So I'm going to keep track of what I eat and not log it into Spark until the very end of the day. In this way I can keep a better track of when I'm really hungry, and not fulfilling Spark's numbers.
I did 45 minutes on the treadmill too.
This week's goal: empower my day with morning spiritual reading.