Sunday, January 20, 2013
I'm just not feeling it lately. I feel totally disconnected from my husband, my kids just drive me nuts, I'm feeling inadequate at work and I just feel lousy/blue/depressed lately.
My husband has been really into conspiracy theories and anti-government rants and legalize marijuana, etc. I'm having trouble caring about any of it at all. I agree with him on some things, but mostly I just want to scream at him to shut up. I know the government is corrupt and I know the public is constantly lied to by them and all media outlets, yada, yada, yada...but really, it doesn't change my life to know a different version of events. I just want to deal with our life, not the world. I'm lonely and angry and I don't care about the world outside our door right now.
My kids are pretty great. They are smart and funny and energetic and wonderful. But lately, everything they do irritates me and I feel guilty for not appreciating them enough, for being annoyed with them all the time. I wish I could be a better mom to them...they deserve more.
I was promoted to supervisor in July and I'm feeling very inadequate. It doesn't help that I'm the only manager in the building without an office, I am not included in the monthly "management meetings" and every time I make a decision about something I am undermined or told that my suggestion needs to be discussed further. My boss keeps asking other people for opinions on things that I know more about. I'm just really annoyed. I mean in my performance review last month, he actually told me that I am very smart and wants to make sure the company is utilizing that...but then he questions everything I try to do, so I'm hurt and confused.
My emotional and physical/intimacy needs are not being met at home - not at all. My social life is non-existent, but I'm not even sure I care. My intellectual needs are not fulfilled. I am experiencing complete loss of interest in anything that I normally find fun. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. I'm tired. Trying desperately to eat when I need to (loss of appetite), and not binge on junk (emotional eating). I suppose "this too shall pass"....