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    MARIANNE9855   11,917
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints

wont let others cause me to fail

Sunday, January 20, 2013

i have struggled with my weight for years and ate the majority of times because I was sad, depressed, angry, overwhelmed etc. In the last 18 months I have become the primary caretaker of my parents- they are up the street from me- Dad has alzheimers and my mother lives in constant pain and is permanently disabled. Then in September I was fired from my job. My profession as a clinical social worker working with children and families meant everything to me. I lost my peers and sense of fulfillment. I continue to look for a job but after three months realized I needed to change for myself- permanently. I had no career to fall back on so I could ignore what I had done to my body. I have been with spark people since the beginning of January.
Yesterday I found out that my mother's condition had gotten worse- requiring more of my attention and worry- then today I had conflict with my brother (who lives in Alaska- I live in NY). As I burst into tears feeling so hopeless- it came to me- I am not giving up, I am not going to eat to deal with my hurt and overwhelmed feelings. Overeating has never worked for me before and my size has only compounded my problems.
The fact that I was able to stop myself and make the decision to stay on the healthy eating course was huge for me. I think I am finally getting it and I believe with the support of my sparkpeople friends and tools I can change.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TATTER3 1/21/2013 9:55AM

    So sorry for your stress. Prayers and blessings.

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MELLIESUE13 1/21/2013 5:57AM

    I totally relate to this. I lost my mother last year to a two-year battle with cancer. I have four siblings, but I was the one with the least demands. My husband left me one year into taking care of mom, I had no job, and my children were all grown. Being a care-taker is sometimes as hard or harder than being the patient. Stress plays a huge part in my overeating. I never really took the time before to realize that. I am so proud of you that you were able to overcome the temptation to medicate with food. Hang in can do this!

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MARIANNE9855 1/21/2013 3:48AM

    thanks to everyone's positive words and encouragement- I knew that if I talked about what happened I would get support to keep going and I did. I can't thank everyone enough! emoticon

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DIET_FRIEND 1/21/2013 1:43AM

    What a personal victory to not turn to food when you were stressed to the max. Your situation sounds challenging. When I look in the want ads, there are a lot of social service jobs requiring a degree in social work. Wish I had one! Your parents are so blessed to have you in their lives. It is hard to be a caregiver, but when it is your loved ones, what can you do?

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DAWNSINGS9 1/20/2013 10:15PM

    I can totally relate to you - and you should be very proud of yourself for resisting the temptation. I was laid off in January of 2009 and have been un-under and self employed every since. One thing I am doing to earn money is to work as a Part Time Caregiver for a woman with COPD. I sometimes wonder if God's helping me prepare to help my mom in her later years.

Those of us who are members of TOPS (take off pounds sensibly) have a pledge that I repeat to myself when I want to eat away my stress. It goes like this:

I am an intelligent person. I will CONTROL my emotions and not let my emotions control ME. Every time I am tempted to use food to satisfy my frustrated desires, build up my injured ego, or dull my senses, I will remember, even though I overeat in private, my excess poundage is there for all the world to see. I WILL take off pounds SENSIBLY!

I love the way SparkPeople distracts me, too. I am spending so much time on the site - I don't have time to buy and eat bad stuff! I am going to add you as a friend! I hope that's OK. emoticon

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TWEEPIE6 1/20/2013 9:43PM

    That is the best choice to make. You can do it! Small steps will help you reach your goal. We are here to hold you up when you need us. emoticon

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WILD_LILY 1/20/2013 8:39PM

    You are clearly a fighter, and fighters can accomplish anything! I believe in you!

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SNOWJESTER 1/20/2013 8:20PM

    I'm glad you were able to stop yourself. It'll get better. emoticon

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ONUTHIN125 1/20/2013 8:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HWNHMMBRD 1/20/2013 8:01PM

    emoticon emoticon Hang in there, just one day at a time.

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 1/20/2013 7:59PM

    You can change!! You have to in order to start over with a new career. Afterall you need to present the best picture that you can when going on interviews. That best picture includes and is not limited to a new and healthy YOU!!

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