Dealing with my brother's criticism...
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Today my brother and sister in law came over to see mom and brought the girls with them. And we went to see mom in the rehab facility and took her some cheeseburgers.
While mom loved seeing them and the girls and I was happy for mom, I got the feeling that my brother hates me here lately.
The reason I say this is because the last two times he has been over here besides when he and my sister in law came by themselves to clean, he has critizied every little thing I do.
I know I don't have a clean home as they do, but at least give me credit for some intelligence, OK?.
At least I do know how to clean, just because I don't do it often enough, don't come back at me and say I am an idiot.
I think his time in the marines, while brief, being that he went AWOL and met his future now ex wife changed him, and I don't mean for the better.
Also my neices are 7 and 13 years old and while there mother does not use this langauge and I love her for it, every other word out of his mouth has been either a derogatory comment about african americans or mexicans or has had the F word with it.
More so today than any other time. I mean that is NOT something I need my neices hearing from their father.
So how should I handle this?. I know he is older than I am as he is 38 and I am 32, but, really, act like you have some intelligence, brother, OK.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I really don't have much nice things to say about your brother Lance..he is ignorant...
but....something to consider......he has anger issues.....that is obvious..and I think ...with your mother...he is angry that this is occuring....
did it ever occur to you that perhaps...he realizes that the time will come that you may have to go live with him and he doesn't want that? have you thought about a second possiblility....of looking into a group home? I am sure with your social security...that would cover you living there...when the time comes.
1641 days ago
1642 days ago
First, know that critical people won't "accept" what you do no matter what you do. If you feel you are trying your best, be proud.
I agree you should approach your brother, but, respect the fact that he may have been through hell and back mentally and emotionally and needs you to be direct and yet respectful. Stand up for you and for the babies, but try to do so with as much dignity and respect as you can.
Don't forget to start with "I feel..." It really does help. Good luck!!! And no matter what comes of it, if you try hard, you are doing very well!!!
1643 days ago
I, too, have outspoken and sometimes crude family members. Don't let him walk all over you! he has no right to treat you that way!
1643 days ago
I agree with Pickie 98. You do have to tell people when things are wrong or they won't necessarily know they are wrong. To some, this type of behavior is acceptable. Be firm ving when talking with him. Show you care deeply for him and his family. Good luck and I wish you a happy life with all your family. Have a great day.
1643 days ago
He sounds very insecure, trying to make you feel inferior by manipulating you. Age cannot fix stupid..
IMHO, if it was me, I would ask him why he feels he has to cut everybody else down? If you set boundaries with him, eventually,even though he will be mad, he will be so shocked that you are standing up for yourself, that he will do it.. It is like training a puppy, YES a puppy. If you let them pee in the living room, they will continue to do it. If you walk away or demand they stop it each time, they will,, it is not easy, but it does work..
Would you allow ME to treat you like that? We cannot pick our relatives.. but we do not have to let them PICK ON US or others.
You are a wonderful aunt, caring enough for your nieces to want to change things.. Hugs to you for this.
It is not easy to start, but in fact, they will be so stunned that you do it, they will stop and wonder WTH???
Like., "Wow!! Why do you talk to/ talk about/ treat other people like that?"
Say this every , single time. If you can imagine the impact you are having on your little nieces lives, it may help you be strong enough to keep it up. remember, they will end up choosing a mate almost exactly like their father and be treated the same, if no changes are made. They will watch your every move and admire you, feel safe with you.. What a gift you have to be able to notice and want to change this.. Good luck!
We must accept how people behave, BUT we do not have to tolerate UNACCEPTABLE behavior.
1643 days ago
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