Sunday, January 20, 2013
I know what I *should* do and yet I cannot force myself to do it.
Sugar, carbs, whatever you call them, they are ruling my world instead of me ruling my world. I have been looking at all of these diet pills and OTC diet pills and I cannot take prescribed diet pills like phentermine because I have high blood pressure and what do you know, I cannot take the OTC pills because of the same reason. I heard a radio ad for something called Bystrictin which is a shake, I guess. My husband had gastric bypass and I've even been looking at that. BUt the truth is, I know that I'm not a good candidate for it. I have too much pain, especially migraines, and I wouldn't follow the rules of no ibuprofen.
The lack of willpower makes me feel like crap about myself. I suppose that's the addict part of me -- I know what I should (not) do and when I don't do it, it makes me feel even worse, and I go even further into that self-destruction spiral. Sigh.
Other people in my FB friends lists are running in the PFChang Rock N Roll marathon and such today and the last time I ran I fell down chasing my son and got scrapes and bruises that are still pink scars on my elbows and knees. I'm sure if someone had video taped my fall it would have been funny from a viewer's perspective but it really hurt.
I just want to go to bed. This whole week I've felt that way. I need to get out of that mindset and back to a positive flow. But how? The cravings for sugar, especially donuts of late, has been bigger than my ability to stop myself.
I might just go back to bed so I don't eat.