Sunday, January 20, 2013
I am currently on my three day weekend and so far it's been pretty awesome, even though I have done a few no-no's already.
First of all I kind of dropped the ball on the exercising thing the past few days, but I am determined to start back up tonight and get back on schedule! The second thing was that I spent way too much money yesterday! Even though my plan was to have a stay-at-home pajama weekend, I spent all of yesterday out and about with friends. My best friend and I were going to have a drawing session (something we haven't done since high school), so I dropped by an art supply store and bought a big 11x14 sketchbook, and new sketching pencils. We ended up scooting around town instead, having a brilliant lunch and buying random trinkets here and there.
Well after that, I got in a mood to text one of the mutual "friends" I've bemoaned before, those who I have been convinced since last month I was losing because they were always my ex's friends and never mine. Well, I ended up being abruptly invited to go to a bar and watch the opening season hockey game with them! I was glad to. We ended up having dinner (I barely touched a pre tossed Cesar salad, but had some beers), and then a few of us went to a pub afterwards for more alcohol. It was great to get out and have such a social evening, especially since I considered the Christmas party such a huge disaster. My ex, by the way, was not present.
Well after that a mutual guy friend gave me a ride back to my car, and in my tipsy state I decided to confront him about all the misgivings I've been having about these friendships and what's been going on in the wake of our divorce and these friendships. I'm glad I did too, because according to this one friend I had everything all wrong.
Apparently they weren't ignoring me or dumping me as a friend, but they were all trying to give me (and him) some space because on top of it being awkward for them wanting to be there for both of us, they wanted to give me (us) time to heal. They knew most of what happened between us, and it turns out they are all really disappointed in my ex for what he did to me, and apparently they have even sat him down to talk about it. It also turns out that, even thought my Facebook has been periodically flooded with my ex and those friends going out and having fun together sans me, it hasn't been all peaches and cream. This friend confided in me about how crazy and outrageous and annoying he's become without me leveling him out, and it's really, really putting stress on his relationships with them.
It's not that I'm happy about him being so destructive or anything (okay, I'm a little happy, but only because it's better than all of them being happy and sunshine without me and losing all of them in my life); I'm so RELIEVED that these friends are actually and truly my friends! Losing them was really worrying me, and even though it was alcohol induced, I really feel that that warmth and consideration this friend was conveying is true. Some of us are actually planning a big trip to WorldCon in San Antonio at the end of August, which is a big international Sci-Fi convention that awards the Hugo every year. The prospect of going and sharing it with friends is a wonderful thing! I really hope all of these prospects and revelations are true rather than the drunken ramblings of a single night. It would be heartbreaking if all of this stuff last night was a sham.
Anywho, yesterday I did terrible on food. I started the day out great with oatmeal and a cup of green tea. Even though we went out for lunch, I stuck to a serving of sweet potato home fries and a heaping veggie taco with bell peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, jalapenos, avocados, tomatoes, egg whites, and a little cheese. After that, though, was three beers (only one light) and an amaretto sour with munching on tortilla strips and a few bites of a pre tossed Caesar salad.
It would probably have been fine if I stopped there - but when I got home I had a McChicken from McDonald's, two low fat Eggo waffles, and some Pringles. :\ Oops.
I weighted myself this morning though, and I'm down to 190.4, almost a pound from my last weigh in. I choose to believe I was lower than I thought I was before the binge and actually gained some of it back. But it's lower than my last weigh in, so I'm happy! Still not back on track to my New Year's Resolution goal, but I'm still determined!
Today, thankfully, is going to be my stay-at-home pajama day. My priorities should be something like cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc, but rather my agenda includes breaking in my new sketchbook and pencils, watching some movies, reading, and seriously considering writing! Haha for the past week or so the urge to write a book has really been on my mind. It's something I always wanted to do since I was little, but I guess I just never had the stuff to do it (it's hard!). But I've got all these ideas swirling in my head, just waiting to burst out in the form of a story! Maybe if I get the ball rolling, something awesome will come about? There's only one way to find out.
Today is nothing but me! I'm excited to rest and relax and indulge. I hope everyone else is having a great Sunday as well, and are ready to face this new week with strength and excitement!