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    BLUEROSE73   112,545
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An update on yesterday, and a confession

Sunday, January 20, 2013

I got on the scale again this morning. My weight is back down to what it was last week. It's looking like TOM really did cause me a lot more stress and frustration than I should have let it.

I'm feeling very drained today. I am still in a bit of pain, but it's all passing.

And I'm scared.

I know. It's silly, but it's how I feel. Time to face it, and find a way past it.

I spent hours yesterday reading a book - The New Rules of Lifting for Women. Then I spent time putting together my training logs on the computer. All I have left to do with them is add on some descriptions of the exercises, and print them off. Printing them means setting up my new printer first. No biggie, but it's something I need to do today.

Then I realized something. As much as I want to start on this new journey, I'm not sure I will. It's a change. I don't do well with change. I can get past that, but add to it the fear of walking into the gym. Not knowing where things are. Or remembering how to lift. Some of these exercises I've never done before....

I used to strength train years ago. I remember how hard it was to start back then. How uncomfortable I'd feel walking in there alone and using the equipment. I was greatful for the equipment design, as I wouldn't need a spotter to do the workout. It was not possible to trap myself in or under things. That gave me a lot more freedom to just get out there and do it.

The new gym here doesn't have that equipment. I hate feeling vulnerable like this. Really hate it. It's what is most likely to keep me from going.

Top that off with remembering how it felt to walk into the "guys" part of the gym and settling in there. It was much better after I was used to the weights, and gaining strength. I could hold my own, and even outlift some of the guys who would try to "laugh" me out of that area. At that point, they were too intimidated to even look my way anymore. I never was bothered again. The new guys who'd start to point and laugh would soon learn I was lifting heavier weights than they were, and not making any of the grunting struggling noises they were. No more hassles.

I know. I should know better. But I have to admit. This is bothering me. Bothering me enough that I'm afraid it will keep me out of the gym.

I need to find my determination to do this. To push past the fear, and just do it. To believe in myself enough to get past the "laughing" I'll hear in my own head for the first bit.

Heck, I need to find a way to laugh with those voices. Enjoy the whole process. I'm not talking about laughing at my attempts. I'm talking about just taking things a little lighter. Just enjoying the process as I go through it. The learning process.

So why does it scare me so much?

*******UPDATE**********
I installed my new printer, and printed off the workout logs. At least it's a step in the right direction.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CYBERQT 1/22/2013 3:51PM

    I find that usually my overthinking things is my way to get out of it without the guilt. You can do this! One trip at a time.

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 1/21/2013 6:17PM

    emoticon

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NANFACEMIRE1 1/20/2013 3:07PM

    Good for you.....now you are ready to go.

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ILIKECACTI 1/20/2013 12:50PM

    Good for you for making steps forward and having the goals of overcoming those fears. I freakin hate the gym. To make it worse, I live in a "trendy" part of the city, where the closest gym is like a modeling agency. You have to dress up and put on make-up to go work-out. Kinda ridiculous, and not my style. I have a small gym in my apartment that I have gone to on occasion, and I'm thinking of going there occasionally again. Otherwise, I intend to workout on my stationary bike or workout dvds inside the comfort of my own apartment. Perhaps someday I will overcome my chicken-ness. I think my next goal will be to go outside more for walking/wogging/jogging. But way to go- go kick some a$$ in that gym!

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JUSTME29 1/20/2013 12:30PM

    The first few days will be awkward - that's just the way it is. After that though I bet no-one will even notice you. If you go around the same time every day, the same people will probably be there, and pretty soon you'll all either chat and make small talk or just ignore each other. Either way the first few days will be the hardest.

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 1/20/2013 12:20PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LOVESTOWALK49 1/20/2013 11:40AM

    I always feel awkward in a gym. I just do it anyway. The awkward feeling passes as I get into my workout routine.

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