Sunday, January 20, 2013
I just finished another workout of 5 miles on the treadmill. I'm pealing the bricks I have laid down upon me and they are coming off. Again, I watched The Biggest Loser as I worked out and one of the contestants was talking to Jullian, telling her that he has never felt good at doing anything before and so being fat was also just an extension to him, something else to add to the list of what he wasn't good at. I could relate to that on many levels. Since the feeling I had inside was of me being worthless, me being fat was just another extension of showing just how worthless I really was. That's was the old me. The new me knows there is an infinite amount of possibilities. The only thing is which possibility are you going to choose? I made a choice to create a healthy me and in doing so, it feels good. I feel good when I make good choices in eating healthy. I feel good when I push myself to get on the treadmill to work out. It empowers me, makes me stronger, figuratively and literally. I was scared to look at the scale to see how much damage I have caused to myself, but I pushed myself to see. I was not 200 pounds like I thought. I am 236 pounds! I have to make it a weekly thing to check myself. I have let myself get out of control for so long. It definitely gave me a reality check. In addition to doing 5 miles on the treadmill today, I'm also going outside to walk with a friend on regular pavement.