So, basic overview of my week. This is going to be a hard semester. One of my senior projects has a 69 page instruction manual with it.
I know I can do it, but if I don't pass it first try I fail my Senior II internship and have to do a remediation semester before I can take it again. That would mean another year of college! Yeah, no stress there. They have completely overwhelmed me the first week throwing dates, deadlines, and assignments at me.
I had a massive headache (pretty sure it was stress related) the first three days of the semester, didn't make it to the gym even once, by the end of the week I was extremely discouraged and started eating fast food; that never has good results. I live with my brother and his gf and they allow me to live here on extremely minimal rent as long as I help with the cooking, cleaning, and grass mowing. I don't cook every meal just mostly just dinner because we keep very different schedules, but this week I planned ahead and got dinner fixed the first couple nights but because they had a big project at work neither of them came home to eat those evenings. I don't blame them in anyway at all, I am 100% positive they would have much rather been at home those evenings, but after I felt like I wasted my time twice I just figured it was faster to run by a drive through than to cook. Of course when I want to do something I'm the master of self-justification.
I had originally planned to go to the gym every morning at 5:00 because I knew I wouldn't go after I got finished in the evening. But when I had the headache for so many days and I was up all night in pain, I don't do well without sleep, so I just couldn't do it. I typically go to bed at 9 and get up at 5, so not sleeping just doesn't work for me. I forgive myself for not working out, but allowing myself to start justifying things like fast food and honey buns is a just absurd. I'm not giving up, I just have to try planning again. So, I've thought a lot about the upcoming week and how I can improve it. First of all I have to become good friends with my crockpot. The only way I'm going to have time to cook dinner any night, much less every night is if I start cooking easy slow cooker recipes more, and have a menu planned out in advance. Second, I have to make sure everything I need for the next day is prepared and loaded in my truck the night before. Finally, I have to cut myself slack when I occasionally mess up because as chaotic as my schedule is I'm going to slip sometimes. Even with planning ahead the headache threw me off course, sometimes stuff like that is going to happen and I have to accept it. Getting discouraged only lets me justify doing worse because I start thinking, "well, I've already messed up today, so I might as well..." and so begins the downward spiral.
Today I'm going to give myself a free pass, this will help me get back on track, and I'm using the day to get my week started right. I'm going to plan a menu for the week, pack my gym bag tonight, and put everything in place so I can have a great start to my week. I CAN DO THIS.