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Sunday, January 20, 2013

So its 3:00 a.m. and I'm up blogging. My coughing woke me up and I"m drinking tea with honey to try and soothe it. It wears you out and my MIL has been coughing since Wed and she must be exhausted. This is the third time this year I've had a cough with phlegm so maybe it is time to see the doctor on Monday. I try to muddle through it but it gets to the point of no return.
I had to forego my bootcamp at the gym yesterday because I felt no one would appreciate me being there, coughing and I also felt I should stay home with MIL. If I had felt okay I would have gone.
This Biggest Loser competition is for 3 months so I have time to get into it. Being gone at Disney for 5 days and then this has kept me from really getting going. I have lost 4.7 lbs though, at least that is what the scale said yesterday morning. I didn't over eat yesterday but I didn't eat any fruit or veg either. Had a PB and Jelly sandwich on whole wheat for lunch and macaroni and cheese for supper. And oatmeal for breakfast. And a 100 calorie bar and a few slices of sausage. That was it for the day. ANd lots of water.
And I sewed. I'm a bit overwhelmed with the events that have occured in my household. I have boxes of draperies and shades stacked in the foyer and living room, 2 boxes of upholstery fabrics, and a large and small suitcase of MIL's stuff sitting there as well. I just close my eyes and walk right past it. The sheets need to be washed in both rooms. My husband says he is helping as much as he can, and he is. But there are certain things that always fall to the woman, you know what I mean. Even though my husband participates in meal making, the ultimate responsibility falls to me. Making sure we have all the ingredients in the kitchen to cook meals and eat in a healthy fashion is key.

I'm on my second cup of tea with honey. Maybe I can go back to bed after I drink it. At least MIL is not coughing as she spent a couple of nights doing so. I told my youngest son yesterday that I would never ever ask my daughters-in-law to take care of me and change my diaper. I will go into a nursing home for veterans before I have to do that. I really resent it and yesterday, when the nurse was here, I mentioned to her that I felt MIL should have stayed at the nursing home as they were better equipped to care for her. ANd she agreed with me.
My husband last night said he didn't think she would be with us for very long but you can't predict that. THis woman is the energizer bunny, she just keeps going. I do love her and she has been a wonderful MIL for 40 years but I didn't sign up for t his. I'm not even sure I would have taken care of my own mother. She died 35 years ago. Some of us are meant to be caregivers and some of us are not.
Last night my husband said, she is "our" mother. She may be "our" mother but that doesn't mean I want to change her diaper and give her a bath and clean her teeth and dispense her meds.

I really appreciate all of you sparkers out there who are encouraging me in this time of trouble. It means so much to be able to vent. I'm going to let my husband go to church today by himself. I just need to go back to sleep. Once I finish my tea. emoticon
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