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TAWANDA_IS_BACK
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Can a dream be motivation.....Yep, if it's a NIGHTMARE!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Ever had one of those dreams that feel like it's reality? Well, let me just tell you.....I had one last night and man did it ever set the mood for my day!

I dreamed a lady with a HUGE rump ...... twice my current size .... fit into my pair of jeans. I was like....wait a minute here....I KNOW I'm big but.....and I woke up.

Now, I mean absolutely NO offense to anyone that is larger than myself....I've been there. But I needed that kick start of a dream. When I woke up, I immediately became depressed about my size....and that dream, how real it was....the feelings of shame, disgust with myself, desperation to be small again......my mood was set.

Instead of eating, I slept again.....depression has its ways of taking over.

When I woke up, it was to my hubby reminding me we were expected to attend a gathering for his Grandmother's 90th birthday. I was so irritable and bless his heart, he had no idea why. I did not want to get out of my pjs. I just wanted to stay home and have a pity party for myself but how often does your Grandmother turn 90? So, I got dressed. But not without grumbling and mentioning to hubby that I was having a "fat day". Now, what man truly understands that line? (Correct me if I'm wrong.....but I mean from a lady's perspective.)

Oh, he tried to console me. He held me.....hoping that would make it better. He had no idea what to do with me. He said, you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why women who aren't big think they are. My response: It's a woman thing.

We went on to the gathering and had a wonderful time. But seeing my pencil thin SNL and nieces just reminded me again of how FAT I am. However, by the time the evening was over, and we were leaving, I was feeling better about myself. No, I did not partake of the bday cake/ice cream even though it was offered. I left proud of myself.

Then I went to Sonic and got a chili dog......so much for making it a good night LOL
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