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Overcoming lack of Integrity with myself

Sunday, January 20, 2013

I remembered the other inspiration I received this week, it was about Integrity. I capitalize the word to emphasize its importance. I was taught by my parents to always keep my word to others, and I look for that commitment in the people I hire. I strive to be an example to them and to my friends and family and believe I am successful in living with integrity.

Then it came to me--I don't have integrity with myself. This was stunning. I didn't want to believe it. But the evidence is right in front of me--I eat in secret, I eat in my car & hide the trash, I don't eat cookies at the party in front of people, but then I find sweets and eat them in the privacy of my own kitchen. You get the picture. It isn't pretty.

At first I was crushed and hugely disappointed in myself. How could I be lacking Integrity in my very core? I've been living a lie my whole life! But then I calmed down. Eating choices are only one part of my life, they don't define me. And over the last four years I have been successful in overcoming the urge to use food to deal with my emotions enough to lose 70 pounds and keep it off.

So now that I recognize my situation from this different perspective, I can take action to change my behavior. I want to have Integrity in all parts of my life, and being true to myself is critically important. I don't think its going to be easy, I have 50+ years of bad habits to overcome.

One thing I plan to do is write blogs more frequently. Writing helps to focus my thoughts and keeps the important things top of mind. I'm also going to post notes in the kitchen and around the house to remind me to make choices that are in alignment with my real goals and desires and not some short-term reward.

Getting all parts of my life in line is a long process, not something I can fix overnight. So I'll be patient, ask for help, and be happy with every little time I am honest with myself on my journey.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Isn't it ironic that denial is alive and well and living in my head.
    I so understand that when I lie to myself, while setting higher standards for others, hurts my self esteem. Such a good article about integrity and how it applies in all areas of my life... Thank you..

    1885 days ago
  • DAS92687
    Carolyn, First ... emoticon on your emoticon progress!!
    Be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you are to your friends.

    Having a cookie every now and then for sure can fit into the plan. Remind yourself that and know that there's no reason to eat it in secret.

    One of my favorites ....
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. This is the day your life really begins. -Bob Moawad
    1886 days ago
    You most certainly do have INTEGRITY!!! Look how far you have come. That is just emoticon You have overcome a lot to get to where you are. This isn't an easy journey but you've climbed mountains and some times fallen back a bit but always kept going. So I say emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1886 days ago
    emoticon You have a Spark Family - and you are walking this journey with so many like minded and understanding non judgmental friends who care. Isn't it wonderful? What a blessing! And I am so proud and HONORED that you were able to come here and share this. Thank YOU for trusting and reaching out. We are here for you. You CAN and you WILL succeed. Baby steps one day at a time. Together we CAN! Semper Fi! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1886 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2013 7:38:49 AM
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