Sunday, January 20, 2013
I remembered the other inspiration I received this week, it was about Integrity. I capitalize the word to emphasize its importance. I was taught by my parents to always keep my word to others, and I look for that commitment in the people I hire. I strive to be an example to them and to my friends and family and believe I am successful in living with integrity.
Then it came to me--I don't have integrity with myself. This was stunning. I didn't want to believe it. But the evidence is right in front of me--I eat in secret, I eat in my car & hide the trash, I don't eat cookies at the party in front of people, but then I find sweets and eat them in the privacy of my own kitchen. You get the picture. It isn't pretty.
At first I was crushed and hugely disappointed in myself. How could I be lacking Integrity in my very core? I've been living a lie my whole life! But then I calmed down. Eating choices are only one part of my life, they don't define me. And over the last four years I have been successful in overcoming the urge to use food to deal with my emotions enough to lose 70 pounds and keep it off.
So now that I recognize my situation from this different perspective, I can take action to change my behavior. I want to have Integrity in all parts of my life, and being true to myself is critically important. I don't think its going to be easy, I have 50+ years of bad habits to overcome.
One thing I plan to do is write blogs more frequently. Writing helps to focus my thoughts and keeps the important things top of mind. I'm also going to post notes in the kitchen and around the house to remind me to make choices that are in alignment with my real goals and desires and not some short-term reward.
Getting all parts of my life in line is a long process, not something I can fix overnight. So I'll be patient, ask for help, and be happy with every little time I am honest with myself on my journey.