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Small Victories

Saturday, January 19, 2013

This was a difficult week. All week I was so tired. Still I was determined to make this second week right. I came home Monday to work out. I messed up a routine because somehow I became confused and thought Monday was a strength training day when it's actually a cardio day, but I knew I could make it work. Then Tuesday, though tired, I went to the gym straight after work, but found I was feeling sore after, and being on the ellipitical felt more difficult than it should have. So I decided I should skip Wednesday to recover. I wanted to make sure I wasn't pushing myself too hard. I figured the reason I was feeling off was because despite having already completed all 5 of my scheduled workouts the week before I decided to get on the elliptical again on Sunday. I'm really proud of myself for that and I feel good about it. I was energetic and wanted to workout, but I did feel a little stiff afterwards. Anyway, I skipped on Wednesday, but both that day and Thursday I felt so tired. I was so tired and funky feeling on Thursday that I totally forgot about my workout. I was hoping I would make it up on Friday, but I knew that was a long shot. Fridays are always scheduled as an off day during the week because the bank is open longer and it is a busier day. I know better than to think I'll have the energy to workout afterwards. But yesterday I thought I'd at least think about it since I didn't go in until 10:45. But we were frustratingly busy and had a call off. I was so stressed all day, and frustrated that when I got home there was no way I was working out. I was actually pretty energetic at first, but then I crashed really quickly.

I don't know what it was that was making me so tired all week. I even tried going to bed early but found that that was difficult, and didn't really help much anyway. I didn't think it was because I pushed myself to hard, because I've been trying to ease myself back into exercise gently. And I've been trying to eat well, which I think I'm doing pretty decently at. Started taking some vitamins and omega 3 again, just in case I was missing something in diet that was making me so tired, but I'm not sure if that helped or had anything to do with anything. Last week was the last week of my cycle, which is supposed to be the exhausting week for women, not the energetic one, but maybe I drained myself and this became the bad week (instead what's supposed to be the week to be productive) and I just needed to recover. I don't know.

I didn't do as well this week as I did last week. And all week I've been kind of feeling bad about it. I had been doing so well at resisting the free junk food that was lying around the teller line, but later in the week I finally gave in, and a couple of times this week I treated myself to some cheese curls and chocolates. I know there will always be slip ups though, and I need to look at this more logically. Yes, this wasn't a perfect week, but not all weeks will be perfect and I am just starting over anyway. But frankly, I've still eaten a lot better than I had been. And each time I messed up this week, I tried again instead of giving up. When I ate cheese curls I knew that I at least had healthy meals the rest of the day and was going home to a healthy dinner. Thursday was a bad day for both me and my boyfriend and we didn't have something we needed for dinner, so we ordered in Mexican. Not a healthy choice, but we did decide we were allowed one treat meal a week and that was it. Last night we had a really good dinner. The point I'm getting at is that it used to be that if I made a mistake, I would forgo the whole day. But I'm finally learning how to be more positive, and look for ways to bounce back instead. And I'm proud of myself for that.

Today I feel much better about the week. I decided to make up for a less than perfect week by having an active day. After breakfast I warmed up and did the strength training workout I missed before going to the gym to run on the elliptical for half an hour. I didn't make 10,000 steps on my Fitbit like I wanted to, by I came really close (less than a thousand away)! Overall, I actually feel good about myself. Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm making progress. I have been so tempted to step on the scale! But I know that the reasons I have for not wanting to weigh myself this first month are good, and I'm trying hard to hang on to that. The idea is to focus more on developing better habits and learning other ways of determining if my plan is working. This month I'm focusing on how I feel. And, no, this week I didn't feel that great but I pushed through. After each bad day, I tried to make the next one better until I finally came to a day that was better and today I feel great. I know that I have been eating better and been more active than I have been in a long time, no matter what slip ups I may have had this week and I feel good about that. I am confident that I am still on the path to results. Only two more weeks until I can weigh myself. I don't know how much of a difference a month will make in my weight, but I hope that in these next two weeks my confidence in my ability to develop good habits and change my body continues to grow so that no matter what I see on that scale I'll still know that I will succeed.
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