So this is what a lifestyle means. Let's look for a moment at the old me and the way I was eating when I wasn't 'on a diet'.

Breakfast would be sugary cereal, mid morning, a trip to the vending machine or a dip into my desk drawer for whatever was there.. and the problem was that I would buy things that were supposed to be 'healthy' like nuts and then eat the whole bag during the day (NOT a single serving) so not so healthy after all. I didn't count anything. Lunchtime I might eat sandwich and chips and something else but never feel satsified, in fact I would be hungry again before 2 when lunch ended at 1!! So back to the vending machine again.. and even when I was working the Weight Watchers program before.. I STILL ate like this. Dinner was.. let's hazard a guess how much.. time. And the extra points were cramming down chocolate and ice cream and 'calling it' however many points. Then I wondered why I wasn't losing weight and I would be disappointed.

But now. Me and my husband grill, we hot plate, we eat veggies and fruit first, I eat greek yogurt, nuts, humuus, salsa. Breakfast is oatmeal that fills me up until at least 10 when I have a snack, piece of fruit and yogurt or nuts. Lunch is a sandwich packed at home and a big bowl of mixed salad with vinaigrette dressing.. I used to eat nothing but creamy dressing but I taught myself to enjoy a healthier choice. Dinner is 4oz of meat or some fish and stir fry or veg side, and yes we eat stuffing and pasta and rice and all kinds of things.. but always weighed and measured.

This is the way I live. This is the way I eat.

Monday I come home from work, have an early dinner, do a couple of things, pack my ballet bag and change into my ballet clothes, pull a pair of pants and a sweater over the top, put my coat on and off I go to class. I do the same thing on Wednesday's. Tuesday and Thursday I pack my gym bag in the morning with my swim gear and towels etc and put it in my trunk. After work I go straight to the gym and get home at about 7:00.

This is what I do.. this is who I am.

My friend Alicia asked me if I have a weight goal in mind.. no I don't... I mean I do have an overall goal but by a certain date? No. Every time I have done that I have moved the goal post and then ultimately failed.. then I would be 'off' the 'diet' again and tell myself.. well I will start again tomorrow, or the day after, or next week.. or why not in the spring... or maybe January.. the day when I stuck to a program or diet or workout program never came. Because I was either on it.. or off it.

There is no on or off this time. This is how I eat.. period. This is how I work out.. this is who I am now.

Those of you who are not there yet might find this hard to believe but with this comes a new power, it's a power over food I have never had before. The cookies and donuts they bring into work don't bother me, this me just doesn't eat them but eats the healthy snack she packed especially for work. If they order in pizza.. I don't need it, I eat the lunch I already have packed and planned. Believe it or not I am not even tempted any more.

Am I cured? No. Never will be. I gave up smoking for the second time 5 years ago, I am one cigarette away from two and a half packs a day at any time. That is all it takes. However.. that cigarette would now make me feel sick.

I was tempted when we had the christmas party and ate too much, but I paid attention to how I felt afterwards.. and frankly I felt really lousy.

That isn't who I am.

Today I was craving something sweet.. but instead of eating the Weight Watchers bars my husband had bought.. I ate half a canteloupe.

This is WHO I am.. and I really like it.