Saturday, January 19, 2013
Usually on your birthday the only things that melt are the candles on your cake or the ice cream that has set too long. So not true in my case. Today is my birthday. And the only thing that has melted is me. I am having an emotional melt down. I am melting faster than the candles on my cake or the ice cream on my plate. Oh wait a minute I didn't have a cake. Oh I forgot there was no ice cream. Yes I am doing my very best to live a healthy life style so I am ok with no cake or ice cream. But what I am not ok with is this. I have so many people tell me that I am such a loving caring giving person. So where are those people on my birthday....? Not one has even given my birthday a passing thought. Not one phone call to wish me a happy birthday. So what have I been given. I got the same usual remarks I always get from people. The ones who say "You are too skinny" or the same old remarks about my mental illness by saying "you are strange" Yes I got those on my birthday. I was in the store and a lady I knew said "aren't you skinny enough"........? And someone I was with mentioned my mental health issues.
So I guess you wonder why I had my melt down..........?? Well for two reasons I do know of. The first one is my self esteem is not always the best. So sometimes it comes back to haunt me and today was that day. I have also had people tell me many times that your birthday is your special day and it is to be celebrated.. So did I celebrate it........? Well no......... I am just not one to go celebrate it by myself. And as I mentioned earlier no one who claims they are my friends or family wanted to do anything. Never called never mentioned or asked.
I do know that I am doing my best to keep my word to myself. I said I would write from my heart instead of eating so this is what I am doing. And yes I have already talked to God about this.......So I suppose you are asking 'Is her melt down over. Well.........Yes writing does help and I do feel a little bit better. So in closing I want to say this. HAPPY BIRHTDAY TO ME.........!