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40 days on Spark People - The View From Here


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Saturday, January 19, 2013

As I was in the pool at the gym this afternoon, doing my 45 minutes of water jogging, I realized that today is Day 40 on Spark People, participating in Spark Coach, and being on this new journey. Since 40 days feels significant, I wanted to take stock, and talk about The View From Here.

As so many people have commented on in other blogs, and what we of course know ourselves, I've been on a zillion diets, including Atkins for a year (never did lose all that much weight) and starting with WW when I was a kid. My family members are all overweight, so weight, weight loss, despair, accepting ourselves who we are etc have been topics of conversation my whole life.

So what makes this time different? First, the wake up moment of really "Seeing Myself" as we were about to go on stage to perform. Seeing myself in the mirror, seeing everyone else, and getting that, NO NO NO NO NO, this cannot go one. This is not who I really am. Probably lots of us have that Wake Up moment. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I'd tried Spark People before, but had never gotten involved in the community, and this was before Spark Coach.

So fast forward to today, I ask myself, so how are things going?

1. I feel like I'm in a groove, which I don't think I've ever felt before, about food - what to eat, tracking, how often to eat, etc. I understand now, when I've heard people talk about eating smaller meals throughout the day. In working on keep calories low - and healthy - this kind of eating has just naturally evolved. Eating breakfast everyday, I have to say, I can really feel a shift in metabolism. I get REALLY hungry a few hours later. Then eat again a few hours later, all meals 300 cal or less. Then in the afternoon snacks, then more calories available for dinner - which is the hardest time for me. Having a lot of calories left for dinner and evening is working best right now.

2. On Spark Coach, they say that this is a JOB, and is WORK, and that we need to take it that way. Amen to that! Again, having a focus on food, and fitness, and motivations, staying connected on the Spark People Website, tracking etc. It IS a job, and work. It's serious work, and I get that.

3. I made a vision board last week - first time I've ever done that although I've certainly heard about doing these before. I want to do another one now, encompassing some other areas of my life.

4. I'm awed - is that the right word? - at my depth of commitment, the seriousness of this work, and I feel like I am not holding back, but giving it my all. It is SO HELPFUL reading blog posts about the fear of failing, yet again, yet again. But the constant focus from Spark Coach and Spark People in general, about "Keep Going", Never Give Up, Consistency, etc. This is new - and it feels so right. I feel new with it... and that feels really right too.

5. Struggling with not feeling like I'm in "calorie prison", and that each time I eat anything, there's less and less. I'm trying to work this out inside - to free myself from this. Yes, this is about discipline, but a) it's a choice, and b) it's what we all do, as human beings, eat and then stop LOL.

6. Feeling really good when I do my workouts in the pool, so steady, right at my target heart rate, moving like I mean it, and my body is soaking it up. I need to add the strength training component - need to get over my resistance to that, I've done strength training in the past, and I love it. I also need to start walking.... for many years, I couldn't walk more than a block or 2, due to spinal stenosis in my neck and low back. But after intensive massage therapy - intensive! - over the last year, and the exercise, I CAN walk now. I need to set down the fear, and just go. 10 minutes, that's all I need to commit too.

7. I need to figure out how to eat everything, but in moderation. If I don't allow myself some other foods, I know I'm going to burn out. I'm afraid - there's that word again - that if I eat anything other than 0% greek yogurt and blueberries, that I will fall out of this and, well you know, fail. But even as I write this, I know this is not the truth.

8. Goals, where I want to go, what I want to accomplish, its all there, to be had, isn't it?

Fear - didn't realize this until right now - Fear looms big. Wow... ok, need to munch on that...

That's it for now - thanks for reading my blog. Any thoughts, ideas, reflections you have would be greatly appreciated! thank you :)

Betty
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KIMZEE71 1/27/2013 4:16PM

    That's GREAT that you made a vision board. I made a vision notebook and I look through it daily to get motivated.
Blessings,
Kim

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DONNAFADLER 1/24/2013 8:11PM

  Thanks for sharing

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REDDBETSY 1/23/2013 11:22PM

    I have felt this way. Thank you for writing this. And wow-- I am impressed at your number of responses after only 40 days ! LOL I had to scroll a LONG way to the end! We are all right here behind you! Keep it up!

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LADYMARCIA1 1/23/2013 10:42PM

    Just want to thank you for sharing my thoughts in your blog! LOL Well said, and it's only taken me 60 years to get this. I will keep trying until I get it right finally. Good luck on your weight loss journey. Great blog!

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TERILCARTER1960 1/23/2013 8:47PM

    I have only been here a week and I have pretty much used sp as a life line
reading and learning understanding, I too have tried and tried so many times before
I know fear all to well I have hardly said a word about this to my family because I am afraid of failing again. I am doing so good I got so much out of your blog thank you for sharing that. Teri

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1MYSTERY_LADY 1/23/2013 8:09PM

    Well Done

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MARYJEANSL 1/23/2013 5:51PM

  I think you are doing really, really well...I have come to the conclusion that the people who manage to stay motivated and keep going on a (relatively) steady path to their goals are those who have a fire - or a spark, if you will - going inside them that keeps burning even if they have a bad day or two. It sounds to me as though you are one of those people. Congratulation and best wishes for continuing success!

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RED-D-2DOIT 1/23/2013 5:44PM

  All I can say is, "Thanks for sharing!" emoticon emoticon

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SAMMI4444 1/23/2013 12:37PM

    That's amazing! Keep it up!

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JOYFULSONG45 1/23/2013 11:21AM

    It sounds like you are doing all the right things and that you have a positive attitude. You are well on the road to achieving your goals and Sparkpeople is the right place to be. I've tried many different diets too and this one has been the best. Keep up the good work

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KARRENLYNN 1/23/2013 9:59AM

    I love the support and friendship from other real, average everyday people who have the same general goals I do and the same issues too. Not celebrities getting paid to say a diet product works for them.

I also love that this site has so much information on weight loss and general health subjects too. The teach you to view it as a lifestyle change not a temp project with a finite day to return to bad habits.

Good luck in your journey to better health and we're all here to support and cheer you to victory!

Karen emoticon

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VICTUS_GIRLANYA 1/23/2013 4:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CM_GARDNER78 1/22/2013 11:05PM

    You sound like you have been having an AWESOME 40 days!! Think about what it will be like in another 40...or 120...how much progress you will make!! And that's all you need - progress, not perfection, to get this journey going! Way to go!!! :-)

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PATTISTAMPS 1/22/2013 1:00PM

    Keep that mommentum going - You WILL do it this time... because it is NOT a diet, it is a life change. As they say - If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got. Keep that Spark burning!

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THEIS58 1/22/2013 8:20AM

    Keep at it!

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LOSE2CRUIZE 1/22/2013 8:04AM

    Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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LIFETIMER54 1/22/2013 5:32AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FISHER011 1/22/2013 2:52AM

    Betty,
emoticon for the great blog!
Your insight is motivating!
emoticon emoticon
emoticon
Debbie

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NEW6306 1/22/2013 12:16AM

    I love your insight! I'm on day 3, so I love hearing your story and knowing that I will be a pro at this like you very soon! Thanks for the motivation!

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HELENWLMS 1/21/2013 10:01PM

    Sounds like you've got it under control. Keep up the good work!

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BKNOCK 1/21/2013 8:52PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CYNTHIAAJ 1/21/2013 7:01PM

    I love the phrase you wrote "moving like I mean it" I am going to use that this week. I use auto pilot too often. If you like to read try No Need For Speed. Its a book by a runner-don't panic! He has an amazing story of going from unhealth to health. Instead of thinking about movement in time increments he had even smaller goals- today to my mailbox and back, the next day to the neighbors and back, etc. Then after he regained some fitness he would use markers to increase speed (intervals anyone?) Challenging himself can I walk quickly between these two trees-slower for two trees and then fast again? Its a lovely read even for those of us who can't run (I have arthritis in my foot). Thanks for sharing your journey in progress! emoticon

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FARIS71 1/21/2013 6:53PM

    You sounds like you are being very smart on this journey. Recognizing you want to work in other foods so you don't go coo coo on just the same healthy stuff. Very wise!

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VIVIANKAY3 1/21/2013 4:28PM

    I understand what you are saying. I feel the same way. I have started and stopped a few times. but feel totally different this time. Like this is it and it feels Great!! Yes I also have started water jogging in a resistant current pool. I am trying to figure out how to track this in my fittness tracker. which do you choose? I could not find any jogging in a current resistant pool I do thirty minutes at about 2/3 of the current level. pretty strong. Any one help me with this??? Thanks Kay emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/21/2013 4:30:45 PM

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FIRECOM 1/21/2013 2:55PM

    I just re-read this and I am STILL IMPRESSED. The road we are on is very bumpy and often full of pot holes. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

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MOONGLOWSNANA 1/21/2013 2:31PM

  "Fear looms big." I think that if we are being truthful, fear is a factor in weight loss. There is the fear that this program won't work either, and that even if it works the weight will come back. There is fear that exercise will be too hard and I won't be able to lose weight without it , and what will happen, where will I be if I can't exercise? The fear of the unknown is real and can be exactly like walking a tightrope, hoping to balance and to be successful in reaching the other end, finishing the scary walk and reaching a place of safety. Spark People offer a helping hand. Many of them have experienced the same things and can be encouraging as we find our way. It takes away some of the fear when we realize that other people have walked this way before and found success by conquering their fears and pushing on, by walking with a friend. emoticon

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TOMSGIRL9 1/21/2013 12:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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NEEDBU66 1/21/2013 11:08AM

    Great Blog. Thanks!! emoticon

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SAILOR64 1/21/2013 10:46AM

    It's hard to think about and even harder to put down in writing how you feel somethings, especially when you look back.

You seem to be on the right track, and I would like to suggest one thing. Read something motivational for 15 minutes twice a day. I do it first thing in the morning and right before I go to sleep at night. I believe it fills my thoughts with positive energy and helps me to stay focused on the positive things in my life.

Congrats on your 1st 40 days, and the next 40 too.

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WILDFLOWERMA 1/21/2013 9:35AM

    Thank you for sharing your truths. I can certainly relate to the fears that come when you are picking up momentum and don't want anything to deter you. I've had the all or nothing approach in the past and ended up crashing and not getting back up many times. You are smart to be examining your feelings and potential obstacles now. This time around, I'm trying to have a healthier attitude towards food. Eating clean as much as possible, but not throwing everything out the window if I indulge in a bagel with cream cheese or steak tips. They are choices & we are fortunate to be able to make healthier choices from moment to moment.

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PENOWOK 1/21/2013 8:58AM

    I love that you are taking this seriously and making the plan. You have to plan the work and work the plan to have success and you are certainly on track for that! I believe you can do it! Steer clear of the naysayers and watch out for the emotional eating that so many of us struggle with-myself included! If you believe, when you are feeling the fear, take it to God and He will take it away. God bless you.

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BRASKIN 1/21/2013 8:06AM

  There are no bad foods....only some bad choices. Good for you for sorting it all out and making time to reflect! emoticon

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FITMARTI 1/21/2013 6:27AM

    Nice blog

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LIFETIMER54 1/21/2013 5:38AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ELIZABETH5268 1/21/2013 2:30AM

    Good job, you are on your way!

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SPSPSP1 1/21/2013 12:33AM

    Congrats on your progress! It took me a year to consistently adopt these healthy habits/mindset. Until that point not much weight came off. Now I'm in the groove and starting to utilize these tools for other parts of my life. Remember- It's okay if you stumble. Just pick yourself back up!

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FAT2GAINHEALTH 1/20/2013 11:54PM

    great blog... fear of failure still looms in my mind.
always has been a great part of my personality.
Marcia

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FATHINSN 1/20/2013 11:03PM

    WooHoo for 40 days!

As long as you keep focusing on your goals and never let any obstacles hinder you, you will keep on going strong!

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JULESRULES2013 1/20/2013 10:12PM

  just keep swimming (or water jogging) :)

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AJB121299 1/20/2013 10:06PM

    Nice blog

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PHOENIX1217 1/20/2013 9:38PM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings! So motivating to us all!!

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JACKIE542 1/20/2013 9:11PM

    Really good blog, I would just say try to do your strength, I didn't and now I am catching up. You are doing a great job. emoticon emoticon

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LBECKER63 1/20/2013 8:37PM

    I am only on day 3 of this journey, so day 40 sounds like a great accomplishment to me! Way to go! I completely understand the fear issue. I think a big majority of this job, at least for me, is mental. I need to learn to become my own positive coach. You sound like you are well on your way. Congrats!

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A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 1/20/2013 8:18PM

  emoticon

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KIMZEE71 1/20/2013 6:18PM

    Great blog! You should be proud of yourself. I finally feel like I am getting in the groove too! Thank the Lord! emoticon
Kim

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LBEILMAN 1/20/2013 5:43PM

    That word "moderation" is a big one! I still haven't figured that one out! I'm pretty new to SP...and was getting frustrated because I wasn't losing (and I have a lot to lose).... today I figured out that I cannot "eyeball" the correct size of my portions..I must weigh and measure. I'm hoping to see a loss next week. GREAT JOB on your journey! You sound so POSITIVE! I hope I'm feeling that on day 40 too!
Lucy

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SPRINGBABY80 1/20/2013 5:06PM

  Great for you and good job, keeping pushing to do your best. Good luck.

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JANETTEB553 1/20/2013 4:37PM

    emoticon

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ELEGENT95 1/20/2013 4:22PM

    This is pretty awesome, and just about everything I've thought about since joining sparkpeople. Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't.

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/20/2013 4:22PM

    emoticon , made me think,,,,thanks!

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