Saturday, January 19, 2013
I decided it has been a long time since I’ve written anything and I needed to catch everyone up before I could start my Body Revolution Journey.
I have a long history of weight issues. I was an obese child that played a large part in the eating disorder that has dominated a large part of my life. I was actively bulimic for several years, involved in inpatient treatment, and continue to battle the mentality that comes with it.
Learning to be healthy and lose/maintain weight with an eating disorder or in recovery is a difficult line to walk. I fight with it every day. I will probably get into that later.
The point is that in 2007 I had my 3rd child. My first girl. I was terrified. Not only of having a girl, but her having the issues that I had. I didn’t want her to feel the way I feel all the time. Telling her isn’t enough, I have to show my kids how to live, how to appreciate and accept yourself, even if I don’t feel like it.
I was 65lb up from my pre children weight. I’d had two babies 14 months apart and what I hadn’t lost after the second birth rolled over into the third and I felt horrible.
That’s when I started using Spark people. I don’t go to a gym. I have a bunch of kids (we’ll get there in a minute!) and started as an undergraduate student and stay at home mom. No way I could go to the gym and afford the child care for three kids. I have a tiny house, tiny budget, several mouths to feel. There is not a lot of room or money for a ton of equipment or fancy health foods. I have every excuse in the book not to make any changes and to allow myself to let go and gain 200lb….or to wake the beast and let myself use the easy way and give into my eating disorder to manage my weight. I can’t imagine vomiting around my kids…but I can imagine how easy it would be if I allowed myself to start.
I got a 50$ stationary bike and a Carmen elecktra DVD and with sparkpeople I lost all 65lb in 7 months. There are probably still pictures on the page somewhere.
Fast forward a little bit in 2009 I got pregnant again, miscarried in my 3rd month after gaining some weight and continued to gain with the depression that came after. My focus became more on getting pregnant again that loosing the weight. I couldn’t focus on anything else and said to myself when I get there, I may be huge…but I can do it again.
My 4th child was born in June 2010 and I had 72 pounds to lose. I gained more than I had in any other pregnancy, plus the gain with the previous. My stationary bike had literally collapsed and broken under me and I replaced it with an elliptical machiene. This time I started using Jillian Michaels 30 days Shred. I couldn’t even make it 15 minutes into a 20 minute workout. I had to start over and just do some basic crunches…push ups…elliptical for a week or two just to be able to get done with a 20 minute dvd. I didn’t have weights so I used soup cans until I could afford them. Then I got 3lb.
I lost 72lb in 6 months. I believe my 30 day shred results are posted. I went from there into doing other DVDs. I did biggest loser power sculpt 6 days a week for 2 weeks, all 3 levels…I lost more weight and inches in two weeks than I ever have. At that point I started adding in Jillians other work outs. I did yoga, kickboxing, front and back specific, work outs, added weights….I have never felt that strong and my wedding dress was actually too big the last time I tried it on!
I had my final baby, number 5, 11 months ago. I had 48lb to lose this time. I used the same method as the time before. It fought me every step of the way. It took 7 months to lose the 48 this time. I don’t know how much was age or birth control related but it was a lot harder to fight it off this time. I did it though. 5 kids, almost 200lb comined times, I had gotten back to my size 4, well defined, healthy, badass self.
I also completed graduate school and started looking for work. That didn’t happen. I fought with depression, Drank too much. Started smoking again. And my scoliosis with the IUD I’d gotten really started to make the chonic lower back pain unmanageable. I slowly stopped working out and started slacking off. I had my tubes tied and IUD removed, then I had 2 weeks I couldn’t work out. I gained 10lb back and lost all my muscle tone.
After I recovered from the surgery in early November I started physical therapy on my back twice a week and using the gym afterword while I was there. I lost my 10 lbs right before Christmas….and then Christmas happened.
So currently I’m about 7lb higher than my healthy goal. I’d like to lose 12lb. more than anything I was my muscles and strength back. I cant afford the gym and finished therapy so I cancelled my membership. I am home with 5 kids and little equiptment but I firmly believe that it’s not about the machienes. If Jillians taught me anything in the last 175lb it’s that my body is the best machiene to use.
So I just want to feel strong and healthy and confident again. I saw Jillian’s 90 body revolution and decided to put all my Christmas money together and ordered it. My husband got me a new mat…mine literally has holes in it from my shoes shredding it up doing jillian torture…..and bob torture. Bob can torture too. I quit smoking new years. Not because it’s a resolution, but because I am angry that I started again and I knew I couldn’t keep up with jillian if I was smoking. I also knew that if I quit…I would eat…and it was better to be working it off than gaining more and more.
So by the time my Body Revolution and resistance bands got here I had been smoke free 2 weeks but relied on nicotine lozenges. I started day 1 totally nicotine free, and day 1 of body revolution last Monday on January 15. I am going to try to do a weekly log of the program and journey. This is just my introduction to get everyone up to speed on where I am.
I started the week at 156.6lb. My usual goal is 147lb. It puts me in a size 2-4, good BMI (like that means anything. It thinks I’m overweight in a size 6) but I seriously start to feel weak and look kind of sick below 145lb. I was 143 at 19 when I got married and pregnant with my first baby. So I can be totally happy with 147 after 5 kids and 10 years!
I haven’t smoked in 3 weeks. I’m a week off the nicotine lozenges. I have measurements for the week but I’m tired of typing.
The scary. I have a couple pictures from when I lost the weight in September. The camera function on my phone isn’t working so I can’t do before pictures right now but I’m hoping to be able to at least get some by the end of phase one. My measurements from the last month of doing nothing haven’t changed much. I may have gained 7lb but it’s all in my thighs….where it lives….i actually lost inches in other area…I believe this is because I used to have some awesome muscles and now I squish. It’s bizzare to me to think I gained weight and lost inches…and I’m unhappy about it. Also weird to think I need to eat more since I will be burning more. I’ll work on that after I lose my 12lb. I see so many losing 20-30-40lb on this program…but I’m not looking for that. I want definition. I’m hopeful that I can lose 12 though since it’s made for such bigger loses.
I promise next week it won’t be this long!
Jillian Michael’s Body Revolution Week 1!!
Started at 156.6lb. Smoke free 2 weeks. Nicotine free 24 hours.
Week 1 consists of 2 strength DVDs and 1 cardio. It’s a 30 minute a day 6 day a week program. I can do that. There’s no excuse not to. I’ve explained that already.
Work Out 1 is made for the front of the body. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I’m used to doing a full hour of jillians hard core stuff when I’m in shape…so on one hand I felt like I was holding back….on the other I was afraid of how out of shape id gotten because it was challenging! By the end I felt ok, I was super sore the next day but felt like I could do it. The first two weeks are identical and made to build up the foundation to get into the hardcore stuff that she’s going to torture me with soon. I know she’s holding back….i fear for level 2 and 3.
Work Out 2 added in a resistance band. I followed the DVD but added weights and followed the “advanced” method shown by one or two of the athletes. It pushed me. I was jello when it was over and felt like I’d reached my level. Still sore the next day but rotating muscles and allowing for recovery is part of the program so I’m not going to let that get me.
Also I feel horrible when I wake up stiff and I feel a lot better after I work out.
Day 3 is Cardio. It’s the same cardio twice a week for the whole month of level 1.
I hate cardio. I hate it. I’ve always been the out of shape fat kid. I will do weighted squats and jumps and do a thousand reps as an excuse not to do 2 minutes of cardio…real cardio. I can do hours on the elliptical…I just hate to so very much. It’s important though.
Cardio 1 is a warm up with 3 5 minute circuits made up of 1 minute moves. It alternates a minute of lower body/upper body/combo/recover/repeat. I can do the punches all day….i loathe running man….I made it about 1 circuit before I wanted to die. My hit was numb, I had a fat kid cramp, wanted to die. I pushed through it because I have to. When it was over I was excited not to do it again for days.
Day 4 I start over. Work one again it worked me out but I added the advanced moves and weights because I didn’t feel like it did it for me the first time around. That helped.
Day 5 I repeated work out 2 with the advanced moves I’d done the first time. I ended the workout less jello like than I had the first time. This is why I love jillian, you can FEEL it working in a handful of days if you stick to it…long before you see the big numbers or the muscles you can feel a difference…I was less miserable at the end than I had been just two days before…awesome.
Day 6…Cardio again. I have dreaded this morning for the last 2 days. I woke up late. The kids are all home and I hate cardio. I wanted to skip soooo bad…but I can’t start skipping the first week! The program allows for day 7 off each week and I’d started on Monday so that I would have Sunday off and only have to do one short cardio workout on the weekend when all 5 kids are home.
My girls were up with me and decided to join me. They usually get involved when they can. It’s cute. And I know they’re getting exersice! Today wasn’t nearly as terrible. I still hate it. But it didn’t hurt. And by the 3rd circuit I was ready to die the last time. By the third circuit this time I was so excited to be done and actually energized enough to consider going on…ha. Nope not today. I did love my 2 year olds speed bag and my 5 years olds suicides. They totally hung with me for two whole circuits….not sure if I need a 2 and 5 year old with more endurance….
So recap…it wasn’t impossible to get through the first time and it was noticeably easier the second time around! Score!!
Now the disappointing part is that I didn’t lose any weight.
I ended the week at 157.2lb, but I have two things working again me in my numbers. I just quit smoking and I have been eating everything I can get my hands on and going to get more…it’s seriously ridiculous. And I know it.
Also I always gain before I lose when I start a new program, the muscles building, water retention, I almost always see a 2-4lb jump before it starts to drop. It’s the hardest part to stay motivated through for me.
So the fact that I went up less than a pound while eating like a cow isn’t terrible.
My goal for next week is to start tracking my food again. And I promise week 2 will be shorter.