Saturday, January 19, 2013
The truth is ugly. It always is. Nobody actually likes to admit their problems. Excuses, so much prettier than the truth.
The truth is, I am scared. Scared of what? Reality. Facing the truth. Everything.
I am am afraid will fail, but the truth is I HAVE failed, mostly because I am afraid. It is easier to give up. Distract myself, with a drink, a cookie, a homemade chocolate cupcake. Instant gratification. Instant comfort.
The mirror tells the truth. So does the scale, and my pants. I miss my clothes.
Most days I don't let it get me. I will keep trying, I tell myself. I have been trying. Then I have a drink, a cookie or a homemade cupcake and I feel better.
Why doesn't the scale move? The truth, I haven't given it a chance to move. There is that saying, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I added exercise, Zumba in fact, which is great, but it also made me VERY hungry, so I added more calories. Those trackers that let you eat more if you workout are tricky, that simply does not work for me.
For what feels like the hundredth time, I am recommitting myself. I have support, should I chose to use it. I am scared, but I realize it is okay to fail, so long as I keep trying. Again and again.
Time to face my fears. Time to face the truth.