ups & downs & deep inner retrospectives

Saturday, January 19, 2013

hope you all are having a good weekend so far -
yesterday was 'colonoscopy' time - i had a headache before the prep - which is nothing knew, but the day of - after 45 hours of no food and just some clear liquids - it was a whopper!
i was not hungry and still am not - i am kind of repulsed = there is no one here to be nice to me - and i dont feel like 'preparing ' as i always do.
as i lie on the gurney - the nurse had to hook me up to the bp monitor - it is so excruciatingly painful to have my pressure taken. the cuff just keeps inflating cause my numbers are always SO high - yesterday was no exception and i realized that was more the headache than no food. i had to beg and cry for them to stop the torture and they finally moved it down my arm. it was 218/85 and i am sure it went up 20 points just from the pain.
i would never think of 'cosmetic surgery' but i told the dr. if i have to live out my days with this over my head every single time - i would consider lipo suction of my upper arms. they have always been the most fleshy and ugly things - i have always kept them covered - even when i was small in size - my arms would stop me from buying so many jackets or dresses with sleeves. like my thighs - they are disproportionate to the rest of me.
anyway - as i lie there crying with the pain - one of the nurses gently put her hand on my forehead, told me to breathe thru my nose and patted my other arm - the one with the intravenous in it.
my mom and dad have been dead for over 38 years - but somehow it was just so lovely to have some one seem to be genuinely interested in my well being - who was sympathetic to my plight at the time (job or not). outside of licks from my pugs - i rarely feel human touch - i never knew how much i missed being gently treated like that. in a way - i wish i had not cause it has raised that awareness in me once again - i guess you bury things and learn to be 'STRONG and HARD' cause you have to be.
but i am glad the test is over with - i go in a few weeks for the follow up- but i am sure all is well thank the Lord.
my blood pressure will kill me - cause my life is such that i cannot change the hand of cards i am dealt - i am sure i will go first - yesterday i was again in 'stroke city territory' - it was not the first time and will not be the last -
HUG some one you love this weekend - let them know how you care for them by offering a cup of tea or preparing something to eat for them.
it is a very lovely feeling-
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm glad for you that it's over. OMG what an ordeal you had to endure. That Nurse is a nurse for this reason, compassion! emoticon emoticon
    1704 days ago
    What a lovely gesture from that nurse. We all need that sometimes. HUGS!
    1705 days ago
    You sound like a very strong person. I am sorry that no one was there with you and this has made me appreciate my family and friends a little more today. Thank you for sharing.
    1705 days ago
    my goodness no friends?? nothing??? they won't do them here if you don't come with someone i have only my favorite cousin and she drops anything for me..i also have several friends but to tell the truth they never can just sit and 'be' there my cousin qwns a business but she always calls someone in for me first of course it may be she is an only child and everytime one of her parents got sick they would only do what they were supposed tofor me and she would buy a plane ticket and i would come and stay as long as needed..the last was for six monthes and i put my house up for sale and moved here for her..yes i miss my son but the he is busy with his little family and i go visitand here i always have unconditional hand holding..are you close enough for me to hold your hand????
    the lady mary in nashville emoticon
    1707 days ago
    emoticon When I went in for my foot surgery I had a similar experience with the blood pressure cuff. That pain is awful. THey had to remove it and take it manually and then my pressure was ok. Sometimes those machines don't read it correctly and you are right about the pain making it worse. Take care of yourself.
    1707 days ago
    It's nice to hear there are still nurses who care and show compassion. We only seem to hear about the bad ones. I hope the colonoscopy test results were good. Sorry you are having a hard time of things - I know being in the role of caregiver weighs heavy on you. Please try to get out of the house more often. Even for a short walk; it would help. emoticon Pat
    1707 days ago
  • LHLADY517
    Here's a "virtual hug" and I know it's not the same. But I hope you accept it.
    1708 days ago
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