ups & downs & deep inner retrospectives
Saturday, January 19, 2013
hope you all are having a good weekend so far -
yesterday was 'colonoscopy' time - i had a headache before the prep - which is nothing knew, but the day of - after 45 hours of no food and just some clear liquids - it was a whopper!
i was not hungry and still am not - i am kind of repulsed = there is no one here to be nice to me - and i dont feel like 'preparing ' as i always do.
as i lie on the gurney - the nurse had to hook me up to the bp monitor - it is so excruciatingly painful to have my pressure taken. the cuff just keeps inflating cause my numbers are always SO high - yesterday was no exception and i realized that was more the headache than no food. i had to beg and cry for them to stop the torture and they finally moved it down my arm. it was 218/85 and i am sure it went up 20 points just from the pain.
i would never think of 'cosmetic surgery' but i told the dr. if i have to live out my days with this over my head every single time - i would consider lipo suction of my upper arms. they have always been the most fleshy and ugly things - i have always kept them covered - even when i was small in size - my arms would stop me from buying so many jackets or dresses with sleeves. like my thighs - they are disproportionate to the rest of me.
anyway - as i lie there crying with the pain - one of the nurses gently put her hand on my forehead, told me to breathe thru my nose and patted my other arm - the one with the intravenous in it.
my mom and dad have been dead for over 38 years - but somehow it was just so lovely to have some one seem to be genuinely interested in my well being - who was sympathetic to my plight at the time (job or not). outside of licks from my pugs - i rarely feel human touch - i never knew how much i missed being gently treated like that. in a way - i wish i had not cause it has raised that awareness in me once again - i guess you bury things and learn to be 'STRONG and HARD' cause you have to be.
but i am glad the test is over with - i go in a few weeks for the follow up- but i am sure all is well thank the Lord.
my blood pressure will kill me - cause my life is such that i cannot change the hand of cards i am dealt - i am sure i will go first - yesterday i was again in 'stroke city territory' - it was not the first time and will not be the last -
HUG some one you love this weekend - let them know how you care for them by offering a cup of tea or preparing something to eat for them.
it is a very lovely feeling-