Saturday, January 19, 2013
I have had, what feels like, the emotional week from hell. Monday I went to a memorial for my friends grandmother. She needed me, and I wanted to be there for her, no matter what. The memorial, unfortunately, was held where my Mom was cremated, and where we planned her memorial also. I was able to make it through the ceremony and the meet and greet and all that, but as soon as I got home, I felt like someone had sucked the life and love and happiness right out of me. I do know that my Mom wouldnt want me to get that upset or defeated by something like that, but since this upcoming March 3 is the two year mark of her passing, I feel like it is still ok to get so broken hearted. I even woke up Tuesday morning feeling worse because I has falled asleep so desperate that it was just a dream that she was gone.
Oh, and on Monday I was also informed that I would be going back to work part time. I had shoulder surgery this past November, and wasnt ready to go back because I still cant do everything I should be able to do. The emotional stress and physical stress from returning to work has pretty much pushed me over the deep end this week. My boss is not very nice, and he even yelled at me, in front of everyone else over me checking my phone(maybe if the phone system wasnt crap and the times were correct or if he had more than one working clock in the office, then I wouldnt have to check my cell for the time). He has been an incredibly difficult person throughout my whole injury(yes it happened at work,and no, he hasnt been very accomodating or nice). Being in an increasingly large amount of pain and then feeling like I am being attacked and persecuted has worn me out. And yes, I have tried telling L&I and anyone who will listen, but he seems to be flying just enough under the radar that there is nothing anyone can do. Sigh. Next week is sure to be even more fun because I am going to have to call my orthopaedic surgeon and tell him that working and physical therapy 3 days a week is making me want to pull a coyote ugly on my own arm for pain, not because of who I woke up next to.
Oh, and somehow I think I totally irritated my boyfriend, and I have no idea how.
Things have to get better.
Things will get better.