I have an appointment to consult a plastic surgeon on Monday morning. I'm nervous. Beyond nervous... I'm kind of a wreck. Perhaps I'm putting too much weight on this one man's opinion. But I feel like I have a lot riding on it.

You can not lose 183# and NOT have excess skin. (If you do.... wow, you have some FANTASTIC genes!) Throw in that during the time it took to lose that weight, I aged 10 years, had a baby, 2 miscarriages, and 7 abdominal surgeries. Yeah.... my body is showing some wear and tear.

In some ways I've been very fortunate. I have very little excess skin on my face.... and the waddle I am starting to have under my chin *may* have something to do with my age rather than weight loss. But as I've lost, I have "melted".... and most of it has settled in an apron of skin and fat hanging from my belly. And it has become excruciating.

I have been struggling with skin infections in skin folds for years... it has only gotten worse the last few months. My measurements on my entire body are DECREASING, but the measurement around my abdomen is INCREASING.... as I lose, more skin in hanging there. I have awful, chronic back pain. There are times that I am on the elliptical and feel as though my lower back will rupture from the pain.

I feel as though my options are:
1) revert to a sedentary lifestyle to reduce the pain (NOT a valid option for me. I've worked too hard and come to far to give up!)

2) Continually see a physician for skin creams, antibiotics, and narcotic pain pills (using narcotics while working in my profession is a pretty stupid idea... I rely on my instincts and being aware to keep me safe)

or 3) Remove the approximately 20# of weight hanging from my stomach, recover, and continue my weight loss journey.

I am not concerned about the excess skin on/under my arms. The damage done to my breasts can be camouflaged by a good bra. The hanging skin from my legs can be covered by cute jeans. But pain? I can't hide that with pretty fabric.

This procedure is often seen as cosmetic, and denied by insurance companies. I am extremely worried about this. What my insurance company may not understand is this:
1) I already have a 14" scar running the length of my abdomen
2) I already had to have my belly button surgically removed during a surgery (I plan to get a cute tattoo where it SHOULD be at some point, just because I think that would be hysterically funny)
and 3) a good looking tummy would be wasted with the rest of me sagging.

This isn't about looks. This is about pain. And reaching my goals. And being healthy, happy, active, and living with JOY rather than pain.

So.... wish me luck and say a prayer. I'd really appreciate it.