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I'm tired...

Friday, January 18, 2013

I'm telling you, this is REALLY whiny... I know you all have the same thoughts at times I'm sure, but I need to get it out...

I'm tired...

- of looking for missing sparkfriends
- of spending time giving goodies, tying to encourage, and sending love to those that don't care
- of fighting... counting calories and working out, when it doesn't seem to matter anyhow
- of the fact that I'll STILL be obese until I lose another 20 pounds
- of not knowing what I want, or how far I want to go
- of not being happy with where I'm at right now
- of looking at my ticker and seeing it bounce around like a rubber ball
- of still seeing a fat girl in the mirror
- of wondering if I'll ever get into those jeans that are STILL hanging on the back of my door
- of not having a hardcore goal to keep myself motivated
- of being afraid of pizza, Oreos, and chips
- of feeling bad if a order a latte at the coffee shop next door, instead of drinking the coffee IN the office and using sugar free flavoring and Splenda
- of stressing over eating out and only ordering the things that are "safe"

Like I said... this is for me.... I *know* there is "cure" for all of these complaints...

I know I can have a latte any time I want, eat whatever I want when we're out, and enjoy pizza, Oreos and chips ALL in moderation....

I know that it's my journey, and no matter what, I will get there eventually...

I know that what I see in the mirror isn't what anyone else sees...

I'm just tired...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I sure do hear you. Hope that getting it out there helped.

    I think you look amazing. Regardless of what the BMI charts say, there is no way you're obese. You're probably a lot more muscular than the average woman from all your workouts.

    1885 days ago
    I totally hear ya. I hope you get untired soon...you are loved and valued here. :) xoxo
    1885 days ago
    I can really relate to being afraid of food. i am the type that it is better for me not to even have one bite because it sends me into craving it for a week until I finally just get it out of my head.

    sending you lots of emoticon emoticon
    1885 days ago
    Um yea. I hear you..I feel that way a lot too. Just know that I'm still here and I love you, that ought to fix everything right? Ill. Btw, cookies scare me. So i eat them to prove I'm not afraid!
    1885 days ago
    Even if you never lose another pound, you are a strong and beautiful success. We all get tired of the process sometimes. I'm glad you vented here!
    1885 days ago
    I know the feeling. It wears you down. You wish you could just be "normal". I had to delete my old account because I got too tired. Just remember what you're fighting for. You are worth and you are doing something AMAZING!!!
    1885 days ago
    Your new profile photo is fabulous. You may be tired, but you are also amazing and you inspire me!
    1885 days ago

    Hi. You know what? Slide on back to your 'ghost of Christmas Past ' blog and you won't be tired any more. I do get the oh no, not again feelings though. You are amazing always and this is just for you. You are so worth the energy and the day to day drudge. BTW, I feel so sad when I lose a friend too. It can be quite upsetting. We are not responsible for anyone else here but ourselves. If we choose to reach out and touch others, we take the chance of rejection. That's what life is about. Keep going , my friend. You certainly don't look obese to me!!!

    1885 days ago
    Holly, you're at the point where you know all the tricks and suggestions and one-liners by heart. All the breakthrough insights seem to have been had, right? Hang in there, girl! You'll get hit with the bug again. (no, not the stomach bug!) it's time for me to do some soul searching myself. I know my motivation has changed. My original REASONS are no longer driving the bus. And I need to figure out what the new ones are before the bus goes off the road.

    What's driving your bus Holly?


    Give yourself some downtime tonight--
    Put the kids to bed,
    Grab a glass of wine,
    Turn the lights to low,
    Put on your favorite blues album
    And sing along.
    1885 days ago
    Same here.... emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1885 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    Girl, I cannot agree with you MORE. I too have been having moments like this and have been beyond frustrated with my weight loss journey despite all that I’ve done in the past year and 1/2 .
    I too am DANG tired of it all, but as you know, IT IS WORTH IT. The weight was easy to get on, hard as heck to get off and even harder to keep off. You’ve changed your entire world and have done a simply amazing job.
    Please know that you are NOT alone in this and that we all feel what you feel. This journey is so worth it but good Lord is it hard.

    1885 days ago
    emoticon ... I am such a yo-yo person!!! Vent away :) ... making THIS my YEAR!!!
    1885 days ago
    Word...to all of it! emoticon
    1885 days ago
    I feel like writing this today! I totally understand. :( I feel so frustrated with working so hard (and feeling like with all that hard work I should have the body of a goddess, not an old lady) and I just wish it didn't have to be so hard. It seems harder now than ever. I have been great with my eating and working out all week and today I had an ice cream, and I felt bad. I don't know why, because I am still within my calories, but it's like I worry now that every little thing will make me gain weight. I really do'nt think you are considered obese anymore though! I think last time I checked my BMI was in the overweight category, so I would think yours would be there too. I am just under 5'5" and weigh 179 now, so my bmi is 29. 30 and over is obese I think.
    1885 days ago
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