Friday, January 18, 2013
I have a serious question I would like for you to ponder for a moment. Do you think it is odd how many little girls dream of being a ballerina? I’ve considered several possible reasons for this anomaly. Perhaps it’s the beautiful tutu, but if this is the reason, why aren’t more adults who have the constitutional right and freedom to wear whatever they want demanding racks of them at Macy’s? (I can just image an alternate universe where a clerk routinely gets asked where to find the plus-sized tutus.)
Let’s consider the possibility that it is the great employment opportunities. I couldn’t find the specific numbers for ballerinas on the Bureau for Labor Statistics Web site, but it warns there is “intense competition for jobs” because there are way more wanna-be dancers than get-to-bees. I think we can count out career possibilities.
After a few productive minutes of musing, I know I have found the answer! (Be on the look out for this breaking story on 60 Minutes! The rock-n-roll backwards masking story of the 70’s and 80’s has got nothing on the Backward Ballerina Brainwashing scandal.) You read it here first. The music that plays in the ballerina jewelry boxes has backward masking and plants nefarious subliminal messages into the brains of parents and the little children who own them. “Yooouuuu waaannnttttt toooooooooooo taaaake ballleeeettttt. Yoooooouuuuu aaaaare a baaaaalllllleeeerrrrrriiiiinnn
na.” I have surmised that this is the only reason why my parents gave into my begging when I was seven, and they spent hard-earned cash they didn’t have on lessons at the Centralia, IL community center.
I danced in one recital to the Sleeping Beauty Waltz wearing a bright red and white tutu with white feathers sticking straight up out of my head. My parents will never admit it, but we left that town and never looked back shortly after I danced. I think I know why. Let’s just say that they sent Pat a picture of me in that tutu right after we got engaged. I guess they thought if he could handle that glimpse into my past he could handle anything.
I flirted with dance a few more times in my teenage years. I’m not too proud to admit that I did my share of the Bump, the Locomotive, the Hustle, and, yes, the polka and square dancing. Those days were long gone until three days ago. I went right back to brainwashed as I “danced” with the cartooned teenagers on the Wii Just Dance 4. They tell me I am “cute” and I’ve even earned four stars on one of the songs. (Who cares Joshua earned five stars the first time he tried! It’s on baby! I will eventually beat your score!) I know that I would have greater success executing an amazing Bunny Hop than Hip Hop, but I’m having fun trying. Last night during Aquasize warm up I secretly tried a few of my new Flo Rida hip hop moves in the pools. Yep – brainwashed.