50,000-59,999 SparkPoints 51,926

Time to Heal

Friday, January 18, 2013

It's not a secret that I've been neglecting my blogs. I've had a lot going on in my life, both physically and emotionally. I have not completely abandoned my health goals - because they are no longer just specific training goals to be met, they are overall fitness and health goals for the rest of my life. So, in that respect, I am still on track.

Next week, I'll begin the Run Like A Mother Half Marathon Training Plan, preparing for the Indy 500 Mini Marathon in May...one of two half marathons I hope to run this year...placed evenly among a smattering of 5k and 10k races that I'll run just for fun.

As for my diet, I'll freely admit that it has not been stellar. I have let this area go. Emotionally, I have not reigned myself in. I am two weeks away from moving out of my home and into a new apartment. I am a couple weeks away from a massive life overhaul where I will be a newly divorced, half time single mom. The divorce has been quite amicable and smooth thus far and I could not ask for a more "pleasant" transition (if it could even be labeled that). But the fact that my husband has not been fighting me and that my kids have been emotionally adjusting so well and with so much grace does not lessen the hell that divorce itself will reap on a person's heart. It would be a lie to say I haven't been eating my emotions. It's a scary time.

And so here I am...at a crossroads of life. Holding on physically and barely hanging in there emotionally. I have no doubt I'll make it through OK when it's all said and done. I do have confidence in my ability to master this training. I have great hope for my upcoming phase in life. But, still...fear reigns.

On the way to lunch, I was in the elevator with some ladies and overheard them talking about going skiing this weekend. Skiing is one of so many sports/activities that I have absolutely banned from my life since the horrific accident I had 3 years ago. The idea that I could so easily re-injure myself has instilled in me a paralyzing fear of anything that has the potential to plunge me right back into that nightmare from which I've finally broken free.

But something happened today that surprised me. The idea of skiing presented itself to my mind, the fear came with it and surprisingly, I heard myself thinking, "I could maybe try skiing sometime." WHAT?! This thought hit me like lightning. Did I really just consider, even briefly, going skiing?!

So I allowed myself to follow the thought through. Here's the thing: COULD I easily re-break my ankle, wrist and elbow in a more dangerous activity like skiing or ice skating or any other activity that takes place at high speeds and is not entirely controllable? Of course I could. I can say with some assurance that my potential to break my elbow is exponentially higher than the average joe.

But here is a series of thoughts I've never entertained in the past:

OK. So, let's say I break my ankle. What then?
Well...it's broken. Yep. Been there, done that.
What happens next?
It heals. Physical therapy.
Then what?
Then...I cooperate with my ortho and put in the hard work necessary, severely control my diet while I can't be as active and then...then...I kick that injury's ass...AGAIN.

I've been so afraid of re-injury, I've completely eliminated entire activities from my life. Is this ridiculous? I've decided that it is!

Because look what I've done this past year! I've recovered completely. I've healed from that accident completely. And I've done things that are miraculous for my body. Who could ever tell me that I can't do those things again, if the situation called for it?

And here is the deep life lesson that hit me as I played all of this out in my head this afternoon:

There are few things in this world that will happen to us that can't be healed with enough attention, hard work and, above all....time.

Injuries will heal. If you get good medical attention and do the follow-up work required, you WILL come back stronger and more fierce than ever.

My marriage itself will not heal. BUT...the heartbreak that comes with a failed marriage...that will fade with time. If I put the energy into myself, into therapy and into my children...one of these days, my heart will be full and I will wonder why I was ever afraid to put it out there.

Healing hurts pretty badly. And usually you can't just sit back and expect it all to work out. If you want your bones to heal correctly, you'll probably need to do some special exercises that don't feel good at all. If you don't want your heart to turn to stone and you hope to love again someday, you have to face yourself completely alone...and figure out how to be comfortable with that.

But all pain has a purpose...and that purpose is healing. Isn't that worth it all?

It is. Don't you think?

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I was out of touch for a while on SP and I knew I had not seen much from you...I came to your page to see what was going on and read your blog. I just wanted to write and tell you that I am sorry you are dealing with this break up...I have been there..no kids involved, but luckily it was amicable. Life does go on and big changes can happen if you let them..like the thought of going skiing. I am sure since I am a month behind on leaving this note that you have adjusted and things are settling down, I just wanted to wish you peace and happiness and know that you will get through this!
    1856 days ago
  • DOTTY7267
    Thank you so much for sharing. I only wish that when I was going through my separation and divorce, that I had an outlet/network of people that I could have reached out to and expressed things/thoughts, that I couldn't share with others openly because the wounds were too fresh at the time.
    1865 days ago
    Thank you Leah for being so open and willing to share.
    1870 days ago
    I love the progress you are seeing in yourself mentally as you heal. Thank you for including us in your journey.
    1871 days ago
    1872 days ago
    Boy, have I been there. After an ACL rupture and surgery with every known complication and then some, I had come to think of myself as disabled. I stopped doing so many things and gained so much weight! Good for you for breaking threw!
    1874 days ago
    Thank you for sharing you heart and the wisdom you have learned from this season of heartbreak. emoticon

    Prayers for continued endurance.
    1876 days ago
    You're a really impressive woman. I hope you know that.
    1880 days ago
    Hang in there. You are an inspiration.

    1880 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    I think one of the most wonderful things I could read today was that you are working thru an amicable divorce. It sounds like an oxymoron, but proof that two people can get a divorce and be mature adults about it. And I think one of the reasons your kids are doing so will with it, is that you ARE being mature adults.

    Healing is necessary, but sounds like you are moving in the right direction.
    1880 days ago
    I'm so sorry you're having to walk across that deep dark valley. Only know there is another side and each day you are coming one step closer to it.

    Hugs to you.
    1880 days ago
    you will come out stronger! you got this! hugs! emoticon
    1884 days ago
    Quote: "Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength and move on" Henry Rollins

    HUGS to you, you will persevere and make it through and come back tougher and stronger than ever!
    1885 days ago
    Healing usually leaves you stronger. emoticon
    1886 days ago
    no words... just hugs.
    1886 days ago
    Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad that your family is doing well during this challenging time, and I hope it continues to be that way.
    1887 days ago
    I needed this today:) Thank you!
    1887 days ago
    1887 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    There is a purpose for all events in your life. It does make you stronger, but no it is not easy. You have a wonderful outlook and are doing great. You will make it through this too. emoticon
    1888 days ago
    Thank you again Leah for the perfect message at the perfect time....as I sit here scrutinizing the incision on my ankle and some less visible injuries.

    emoticon to you my friend. You are one strong emoticon !!!
    1888 days ago


    One Day At A Time
    has taken on NEW meaning


    emoticon emoticon
    emoticon emoticon

    Have a Super Sunday !

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1889 days ago
    I am so praying for you during this difficult transition. You sound so strong I know you'll make it.
    1889 days ago
    This is a beautiful blog post. I'm so impressed by your though processes to overcome your fear. And my marriage has been in crisis for awhile now, which has been terrifying for me. Your blog helped me put it into perspective a bit. Also, my husband now has cancer which is another new and terrifying experience. But again, as you wrote, it's time to heal and to realize that we are strong enough to handle.
    1889 days ago
    Excellent blog. Thank you for sharing.
    1889 days ago
    I've been where you are with the divorce and you're right it is hard in so many ways. But you will get through it and be a better stronger person than before. With time brings healing and strength!
    1889 days ago
    You are so on the right track. "You have to face yourself completely alone." That's the key. You have SO much to offer the people around you. God has truly blessed the people in your life because YOU are in their lives. I envy them. I am glad to have you online. I am glad the transition is smooth, especially for the kids. I'm so glad you're in therapy. It sounds like you are doing all the right things for someone going through what you are going through. Our prayers are with you. Have a great weekend.
    1889 days ago
    It is definitely worth it.
    I think you're one of the strongest people I know, so if you come back even stronger you'll be a serious force to be reckoned with!
    Til then, have some more hugs.
    1889 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    You'll get through this and be even stronger. Look how far you've already come!

    1890 days ago
    Sorry you have had to deal with all of this. As with all healing it takes time and you will do it.

    1890 days ago
    Wow, I hope it gets better for you. And take time to heal.
    1890 days ago
    emoticon Wow.. that's a lot of stress. Take time to be good to yourself.
    1890 days ago
    With all the upheavel in your life you cannot juggle everything all of the time. You are honest and brave. I wish you luck on your journey. I broke my foot 2 years ago. In the middle of the night when I go downstairs to pee, I go down the same as I did when my foot broke and I had the boot on. 2 years later.
    1890 days ago
    Beautiful blog, Leah. Yes, it is so important to heal that heart and keep it soft. When I divorced, a friend told me to make sure that my heart broke open, not closed. It took me quite awhile to figure out what she was talking about, but when you leave your heart open, you are able to fill it up again. But when it is closed, you run the chance of becoming bitter, sad, and lonely.

    Awesome blog, and great thoughts. You are amazing. emoticon
    1890 days ago
    emoticon change has it's scary moments, but in your heart you will know what is best for you - take time to grieve and move into this new chapter of our life. emoticon emoticon
    1890 days ago
    I've been thinking about you and am glad that you checked in. I hope that you continue to have the grace, hope and strength that this blog emits.
    Many hugs to you.
    1890 days ago
  • DJSHIP46
    Thanks for sharing :)
    1890 days ago
    good luck with your choices
    1890 days ago
  • SKY214
    1890 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    While some areas of your life are broken, while your heart is broken, there is obviously some healing already happening. I love your thoughts about skiing!

    emoticon for the rest of it!
    1890 days ago
    I do not comment often, but I read your blog regularly. Thank you all your honest and inspirational thoughts. I wish you and your family peace during this time of transition.
    1890 days ago
    Oh Leah.... no comments... just hugs...... ((((HUGS))))

    You will come out stronger on the other side.
    1890 days ago
    Not walking away from a marriage filled with anger and resentment is a huge plus for all of you! Sounds like you are mature, caring parents wh are trying to make the transition as smooth as possible for the kids. And you have many friends who are wihing only the best for you and your future. You are blessed. Keep breathing and keep moving and things will get better.

    1890 days ago
  • MOM-MOM8
    Best wishes as you move into the next phase of your life. emoticon emoticon
    1890 days ago
    Best wishes for the house-move, Leah. I know it will not be easy.

    I can identify with your situation a lot more than I'd like to, so have a cyber hug from a sister in Christ who has at least some idea of what you're going through.

    1890 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    We've miss your blogs, but we understand. Praying for you.
    1890 days ago
    You've got it!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1890 days ago
    Yes, it is worth it. You know I've been there, too and that I've come out of the lion's den stronger than when I entered it.

    Use phsyical activity to help your healing and give you time to be present in now, where no pain of the past exists. Freedom Friday every day emoticon
    1890 days ago
    As I read this I reflected on my divorce, 30 years ago, and I wept. I wept for the death of a marriage - mine and yours, but not for the divorce. We enter a marriage full of hope and ideals, and when it dies, it deserves to be mourned. But not regretted. Because each thing in life leads to the next. Were you perhaps unhappy and looking for somthing when you began running? Or was I when I began wokring those longer hours? I know that the rest of my life has so far been full, and I am not sorry I divorced. I wish for you my friend the same.

    1890 days ago
    You are a strong, brave, and beautiful woman. You can and will overcome all obstacles that will attempt to present themselves to you. This is your life. And you only get to live it once. Don't leave here with regrets of not going for the gusto.
    1890 days ago
  • DR8561
    Lifting you up in prayer. Remember that God doesn't promise us a trouble-free life, but He does promise to be there with us and help us through the tough times. Please let us know how you're doing. You have a lot of friends here.
    1890 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment
    Member Comments Page (56 total):  1 2 Next >

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.