Friday, January 18, 2013
When i was a teenager, I was around 140 lbs. I was a good student but had a sneaky streak to me as well. I was never in the overly popular crowd, not the non-popular. I had good friends in both popular and non. I was in the middle. I am also the middle child. I got a bit rebellious toward the later part of high school and moved out with my then boyfriend, now my husband of 26 years much to my parents dismay. I started to gain the pounds. Between the beer and the quick processed food, I started to gain. I remember right before our wedding, I was horrified to step on the scale and see that I was almost 200 lbs. My husband was only 205 and 11 inches taller so this was hard. I still did nothing about it though. I also was a smoker all through my teenage and on years. Then I got pregnant. While I was so happy to be starting a family, I literally ate for 2. I worked in fast food at the time so ate most of my meals there at work. I gained 66 lbs during my pregnancy. I lost some after my beautiful daughter was born but not the 66 lbs gained for sure. Three years later and I was having my 2nd child. This time I was working at my current job, on my feet more often and not around the fast food. I gained only 24 lbs but still was hanging on to about 35-40 of my previous pregnancy weight. Another beautiful daughter but still no real desire to loose weight or quit smoking. This continued on for many years. Between the food and the smoking, I was increasingly getting angry that these two things were controlling me. Finally, one night as I was driving home, It was cold and snowy and I was out of cigarettes, I decided that I was done with them. I did not want them to control me any longer and instead of picking up cigarettes, I picked up nicorette. I then chewed the nicorette and continued to eat what I wanted no matter what it was or for whatever reason for two years. I remember the night clearly. I was feeling good about the fact that I no longer smoked but was not at all happy that I still needed two crutches- the nicorette and the food. I made a healthy meal of lean hamburgers one night. Usually I would eat two and my husband would eat the other two. I vowed to eat only one and save the other for the next day. I was satisfied with one and went to the kitchen to put the other away in the fridge. It never made it to the fridge. I ate it and still don't know why I did that. I decided right then and there that I really needed help. I started to see a behaviour counselor and over the last three years I have given up the nicorette and have begun the journey of discovering who I am and why I do what I do when I do. It is constant work but I love every minute of it. I not only am learning that only I am in control of my actions with food but also in my work life as well. Although it has been a long journey, Started out at my high of 286 two years ago and now down to 237, I would not change it because I have learned so much and am so fortunate to have a great family and job.
Walked 1.32 miles this morning. 89.58 to go!!