I haven't taken any pictures for 5 months, I am posting 6 month apart pics, from when I started and now. I know its only 30 pounds, but when I think of the amount of work I put in, I am sorely disappointed that I don't see much of a difference.
This is July 2012
and this is today...Jan 2013
To be totally honest, I didn't see ANY difference until my beau came over and pointed them out...whether its just me being hard on myself, or if my self image is THAT screwed up...I don't know. I have shots of myself from all 4 sides, front, back, left, and right...they are all about the same.
I know that I expect WAY more out of myself than I expect from other people. Is it a way to set myself up for failure? (Rhetorical question...)
My beau reassured me that there were more differences than what I was seeing and reminded me of my several falls and that I was sick for a month. While these would be valid excuses if I were hearing them from someone else....for some reason they seem like weak excuses when applied to myself.
I am so sick of excuses, I am tired of feeling like that if I wanted this enough, then nothing would keep me from it, that I should work through it...that I should be invincible, somehow.
While the logical part of my brain knows that I needed to recoup after each fall and also the flu (or whatever it was that felt like the plague) for a month...I mean, I KNOW this! I LOVE medical facts, I KNOW what my body needs to do to perform, but yet....I feel wishy washy for taking the time out!
It make me so mad...mad for not pushing and at the same time, mad for always expecting to perform above and beyond. ARGH!!!!
This is it...I shed my 3 tears over this and I am done.
I made progress, even if it was only a little bit. I feel better physically, I have more energy, and less pain overall too. I have a family who loves me no matter what and lots to look forward to.