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_MOBII_
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6 month pictures...not really what I was hoping for.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

I haven't taken any pictures for 5 months, I am posting 6 month apart pics, from when I started and now. I know its only 30 pounds, but when I think of the amount of work I put in, I am sorely disappointed that I don't see much of a difference.

This is July 2012



and this is today...Jan 2013



To be totally honest, I didn't see ANY difference until my beau came over and pointed them out...whether its just me being hard on myself, or if my self image is THAT screwed up...I don't know. I have shots of myself from all 4 sides, front, back, left, and right...they are all about the same.
I know that I expect WAY more out of myself than I expect from other people. Is it a way to set myself up for failure? (Rhetorical question...)

My beau reassured me that there were more differences than what I was seeing and reminded me of my several falls and that I was sick for a month. While these would be valid excuses if I were hearing them from someone else....for some reason they seem like weak excuses when applied to myself.
I am so sick of excuses, I am tired of feeling like that if I wanted this enough, then nothing would keep me from it, that I should work through it...that I should be invincible, somehow.

While the logical part of my brain knows that I needed to recoup after each fall and also the flu (or whatever it was that felt like the plague) for a month...I mean, I KNOW this! I LOVE medical facts, I KNOW what my body needs to do to perform, but yet....I feel wishy washy for taking the time out!
It make me so mad...mad for not pushing and at the same time, mad for always expecting to perform above and beyond. ARGH!!!!

This is it...I shed my 3 tears over this and I am done.

I made progress, even if it was only a little bit. I feel better physically, I have more energy, and less pain overall too. I have a family who loves me no matter what and lots to look forward to.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v KAREN608
    I think 30 lbs is great. That is all I lost in a year or more, and it is improvement!
    1245 days ago
  • v POSITIVELY_EB
    And keep in mind - we see ourselves every day. It's sometimes harder to see the improvements because of that! You are doing great! Keep it going!

    HUGS!
    1254 days ago
  • v LOLATURTLE
    I completely understand how you feel. I have been there myself. It's hardest to see the changes in yourself, and to focus on the non-visual changes when a large part of what we want is to be smaller and look better! And I also know sometimes it just doesn't help for everybody to say "aw, come on!" because you know how you "should" feel but can't help feeling disappointed anyway!

    But I do see changes! Look how much skinnier your legs are! And look at your arms! Even though it's not a close up I can see that they're thinner and have more definition! It is working, you're doing stuff right. You'll get there. And I'm glad you can tell how much better and stronger and more energetic you feel. Think how awesome you'll feel in another 6 months!

    Happy points for your supportive beau, too, that's awesome.
    1255 days ago
  • v ADARKARA
    I can see it! 30 lbs is an awesome loss, and no matter if you see it or not, 30 lbs gone is making your body better! Don't be discouraged, just emoticon
    1255 days ago
  • v JOYOUS1917
    I think we are to aim for progress, not perfection. Do not listen to all the voices in your head...some of them are NOT you! I found some of the sayings on SparkPeople, printed them off and pasted them on my frig. I try not to look at the mirror too hard, nor do I have pictures. I try not to let the scale number depress me if it does not budge...I just go back to my tracker...sometimes eat a little less calories than called for the next day..say 1000. It seems to break the stalemates. I also reward myself for little things. If I go for that walk, I can watch my program early or go visit a friend or whatever....hang in there...each day you get stronger in your person...do not let the mirror or a scale define you.
    1255 days ago
  • v SUSANELAINE1956
    You should be very proud. I've been here about the same length of time and lost half that. You mentioned you feel better, have more energy, and less pain. That is all so positive. You are doing great!

    emoticon
    1255 days ago
  • v SHELBY897
    You may not notice it because you live it - 30 lbs is a great start and a good chunk of weight. I bet someone who hasn't seen you in a while would definitely notice this much being lost. And, let me just say, your beau is an amazing person - very kind and sensitive/supportive - keep him!! :)
    1255 days ago
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