When I was a kid, I often worked along side my dad (hardest worker I've ever met!). He would tease me, always saying the same thing... "She's like a donkey. The closer we get to the end, the faster she goes!" It never failed to make me laugh. And it really is a true perception about my personality. The closer I get to the end of tasks (particularly distasteful ones), the more I tend to focus and just get it done. This particular trait drives my laid back husband NUTS! "We do NOT have to paint the whole house in one day!" "You don't have to clean the kitchen now.. jut let it set". "Do you REALLY plan to lay this whole patio in one weekend?" ... you see how those conversations go.
Part of this is my OCD... it is physiologically difficult for me to walk away from something unfinished. It causes huge anxiety. But I think part of it is just personality.
Several months ago, I was talking to my trainer/friend and told her that I think the reason I never joined a gym or took the fitness route is because I LOATHE to fail, and I LOATHE to not finish things. Frankly..... I'd rather not try something than to fail or not finish.
And somewhere along the way in my life, I gave myself thousands of excuses to validate my decision to simply not TRY to get fit and healthy. But the truth? I would rather not try than fail, or not meet my goals (remember... perfectionist here).
10 years ago, I lost 170#. And then 4 years ago, I gained back 70#. Why? Because I never did the really hard, emotional work that I'm doing now. I did the dieting. But I didn't solve any of the problems with ME. And they crept back up, unresolved.
And so here I am, with those 70+# back off me. Today I looked in the mirror and realized that this is the thinnest I have ever seen my adult face... and I'm almost 40! And I AM finishing! I AM meeting my goals! I realized today that I'm not really excited about how my body LOOKS yet, but I am LOVING what my body can DO now! I am strong, and flexible, and most of all... courageous. I'm willing to TRY things knowing that I might fail. Today in the gym, I did some step/jump exercise I'd never done. And I fell. So my trainer lowered it, and I tried again. And I did it! These are lessons that are building on each other. And I'm realizing that I didn't fail 4 years ago when I regained the weight.....
I simply wasn't finished yet.
The failure is in not trying again.