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**lightbulb!** Regaining weight is NOT failing!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

When I was a kid, I often worked along side my dad (hardest worker I've ever met!). He would tease me, always saying the same thing... "She's like a donkey. The closer we get to the end, the faster she goes!" It never failed to make me laugh. And it really is a true perception about my personality. The closer I get to the end of tasks (particularly distasteful ones), the more I tend to focus and just get it done. This particular trait drives my laid back husband NUTS! "We do NOT have to paint the whole house in one day!" "You don't have to clean the kitchen now.. jut let it set". "Do you REALLY plan to lay this whole patio in one weekend?" ... you see how those conversations go.

Part of this is my OCD... it is physiologically difficult for me to walk away from something unfinished. It causes huge anxiety. But I think part of it is just personality.

Several months ago, I was talking to my trainer/friend and told her that I think the reason I never joined a gym or took the fitness route is because I LOATHE to fail, and I LOATHE to not finish things. Frankly..... I'd rather not try something than to fail or not finish.

And somewhere along the way in my life, I gave myself thousands of excuses to validate my decision to simply not TRY to get fit and healthy. But the truth? I would rather not try than fail, or not meet my goals (remember... perfectionist here).

10 years ago, I lost 170#. And then 4 years ago, I gained back 70#. Why? Because I never did the really hard, emotional work that I'm doing now. I did the dieting. But I didn't solve any of the problems with ME. And they crept back up, unresolved.

And so here I am, with those 70+# back off me. Today I looked in the mirror and realized that this is the thinnest I have ever seen my adult face... and I'm almost 40! And I AM finishing! I AM meeting my goals! I realized today that I'm not really excited about how my body LOOKS yet, but I am LOVING what my body can DO now! I am strong, and flexible, and most of all... courageous. I'm willing to TRY things knowing that I might fail. Today in the gym, I did some step/jump exercise I'd never done. And I fell. So my trainer lowered it, and I tried again. And I did it! These are lessons that are building on each other. And I'm realizing that I didn't fail 4 years ago when I regained the weight.....

I simply wasn't finished yet. emoticon

The failure is in not trying again.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1374 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1374 days ago
  • KAR815
    loved your blog wow what a truly inspiring person you are! Congrats for all the hard work getting to where you are today. I personally dont like what my body looks like right now, but with determination and changing bad habits along the way I know I can do it. So can you! WTG
    1374 days ago
  • CATH5109
    I am so happy for you. Loving who you are and what you have is a true measure of happiness.
    1375 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Awesome Blog!!! Thank You for sharing. Agree with You with it. Keep Up The Good Work. You are doing a Fantastic Job. God Bless You and Have a Super Good Day. Take Care.
    1375 days ago
  • DONNA5281
    Great blog. Thank you for sharing.

    emoticon emoticon
    1375 days ago
    Great blog! You really are on the right track, emotionally and physically.
    Keep up the great work.
    1375 days ago
    This is a wonderful post, and so true! Congratulations on getting out there and trying new things, I'm sure that's not easy for you to do. But you're doing it, and kicking butt at it!

    1376 days ago
    I think the regain may be part of the lesson. Learning is never linear!

    1376 days ago
  • JASI27
    That's awesome! Retraining how you think is something rather difficult, but it can be done! You are definitely on the right track to success girl! Good Luck to you!!
    1376 days ago
    It's nice when the light bulb goes off! I had that happen to me last night while I was driving down the road. It makes things clearer with the light of that bulb!

    Keep on Keeping on! emoticon for your motivation.

    1376 days ago
    need to by myself that lightbulb, lol... :D
    keep up the good work!
    1376 days ago
    Great blog! I can totally relate! emoticon
    1376 days ago
    I closely relate to the statement that you made about "not being excited about how my body LOOKS yet, but I'm loving what my body can DO now!"

    I'm about 10 pounds away from where I think my goal weight will end up. My husband is very happy with the looks, but I'm more impressed with the improved endurance, strength and balance. I'm doing things I wasn't able to do comfortably for a long time.

    Thanks for the new prespective. I truly hope I will be finished with losing weight in the next couple of months. I want to learn how to maintain and NOT regain ever again.
    1376 days ago
    You will never know what you can do until you try.

    My Mom was my inspiration on getting things done and the encouragement lives with me today even though she has gone to Heaven long ago.
    I can still hear her say what a wonderful job your doing.

    That is what I am saying to you today, What a wonderful job your doing my friend.

    Just keep on doing what your doing and one day you will look back and see your not even the person you were once.

    Your making great progress and yes the mind is one of the things you have to train just like when you go to the gym to train your body.

    Hugs. Sandy
    1376 days ago
    I agree!

    Congrats on being strong and committed to your health.

    You inspire me.

    Make it a great day!
    1376 days ago
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