Thursday, January 17, 2013
I am too attached to my family and now I can't make move toward my future. I know days come and go all the time. I am also doing everything to keep my family out of problem. I have make sure that whatever comes to my family members I take care of it. I am at front whatever problem come in and I am at last when something good comes up. I am not worry about that but now I am falling behind in my life.
My brother has moved and so does my sister. I have left behind with mom and dad. My mom is very innocent lady. If you tell her this is right then she says yes it is. She is so much caring and loving person. I am more worry about her then anyone else. I work in the evening and she works in the morning. I leave home before she comes home. It don't matter how busy I am but I call her as soon as I see the time and know she is home. She stays home alone in the evening time and I don't like it at all. I want to come home as soon as I get off so she won't feel alone. I also make sure that whenever I have day off I do outside work before she comes home so I can stay with her.
I never feel this for my dad I guess because he is man. More then half of the time he doesn't care. If we tell him that please pick up something on your way then he says right a way "no". I know he is slow in everything but if he does something then he put himself a limit. He does not want to do anything further. He just want to go to work and come back that's all. He doesn't care about anything much.
I know I will be moving from here when my husband come here but when it is time for me to move now; I can't make my move. I have seen good opportunities out from here but I am afraid to apply for it. I don't want to make move just because my mom and dad will be alone here. There is one yoga meet up in my town on the day I have off and time is 4:30 in the afternoon. I avoid going there just because it is same time when my mom comes home. I just want to be home when she comes home so she is not alone for hour or two whatever time I spend at yoga center.
They both also have problem in speaking english. I should say my mom doesn't speak english. My dad do but limited. So here I end up that what will happen to them once I am gone from here. I know what if something happen to me then they will be alone. I just want to make a move and move out from here but these attachments stop me from doing everything.
I have put my family members first all the time and They have put me very last. My brother always make sure that he calls everyone - my mom, dad & my sister - but he never remember to call me. I talk to him when I call him. Few days ago my sister had a birthday and I sent her a message on FB on behalf of all of us and she sure replied me back. I put everyone's name in order (first relation then age) and she put my name very last when she replied me back. This has happened always. By giving them more importance I have lost my importance. They don't much care about me. Now I have this situation that if I don't do anything then still feel bad and I can't see that my family stop respecting me.
I don't know if anyone has gone thru situation when they were young but I am sure 1% people has gone thru this situation and I am looking forward to get some help.