I am too attached to my family and now I can't make move

Thursday, January 17, 2013

I am too attached to my family and now I can't make move toward my future. I know days come and go all the time. I am also doing everything to keep my family out of problem. I have make sure that whatever comes to my family members I take care of it. I am at front whatever problem come in and I am at last when something good comes up. I am not worry about that but now I am falling behind in my life.

My brother has moved and so does my sister. I have left behind with mom and dad. My mom is very innocent lady. If you tell her this is right then she says yes it is. She is so much caring and loving person. I am more worry about her then anyone else. I work in the evening and she works in the morning. I leave home before she comes home. It don't matter how busy I am but I call her as soon as I see the time and know she is home. She stays home alone in the evening time and I don't like it at all. I want to come home as soon as I get off so she won't feel alone. I also make sure that whenever I have day off I do outside work before she comes home so I can stay with her.

I never feel this for my dad I guess because he is man. More then half of the time he doesn't care. If we tell him that please pick up something on your way then he says right a way "no". I know he is slow in everything but if he does something then he put himself a limit. He does not want to do anything further. He just want to go to work and come back that's all. He doesn't care about anything much.

I know I will be moving from here when my husband come here but when it is time for me to move now; I can't make my move. I have seen good opportunities out from here but I am afraid to apply for it. I don't want to make move just because my mom and dad will be alone here. There is one yoga meet up in my town on the day I have off and time is 4:30 in the afternoon. I avoid going there just because it is same time when my mom comes home. I just want to be home when she comes home so she is not alone for hour or two whatever time I spend at yoga center.

They both also have problem in speaking english. I should say my mom doesn't speak english. My dad do but limited. So here I end up that what will happen to them once I am gone from here. I know what if something happen to me then they will be alone. I just want to make a move and move out from here but these attachments stop me from doing everything.

I have put my family members first all the time and They have put me very last. My brother always make sure that he calls everyone - my mom, dad & my sister - but he never remember to call me. I talk to him when I call him. Few days ago my sister had a birthday and I sent her a message on FB on behalf of all of us and she sure replied me back. I put everyone's name in order (first relation then age) and she put my name very last when she replied me back. This has happened always. By giving them more importance I have lost my importance. They don't much care about me. Now I have this situation that if I don't do anything then still feel bad and I can't see that my family stop respecting me.

I don't know if anyone has gone thru situation when they were young but I am sure 1% people has gone thru this situation and I am looking forward to get some help.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds like we are in a similar situation. I live with my mother after 2 brothers have moved on with their lives, but I live at home, due to a disability that I need help with...however, I try to please mom every chance I get. I do keep a schedule of things for me to do, which allows her time alone. She prefers this sometimes and I try to give it often . Your mother may be the same: Some alone time after work just may be appreciated. Maybe you could have this discussion with her. As for as your siblings respect: perhaps they list your name last because of where you fall in line age wise?
    1590 days ago
  • KELLY19770
    You need to take care of your wants and needs, too. It's admirable that you take care of your mother as you do. You need to learn to dote on yourself the same. Because you are so worth it!
    1590 days ago
    Dear Ankita.... There are several things that come to mind with me when I read your post...
    First of all I think that you should not go entirely out of your way to take care of, and please your parents. If you do too much for them now then later on they will not know how to manage things on their own.

    If you would like to go to that yoga class or do other things in the evening that are really important to you, I feel you should go. If you are unhappy and cannot do things for yourself maybe you will be home with your mom but will she really benefit / be happy if you are unhappy while you are there? So please do try to do things that make you happy.

    It is always said that we should not only take care of others but also and sometimes FIRST, take care of ourselves. If you don't take care of YOUR needs you will in the end not be able to take care of others.

    Also: How old are your parents? I feel they should both make a big effort to learn English.
    I also feel that you maybe could / should talk with your brother and sister and get them to share in some of the care / responsibility as well.
    Then, that last part about how they put your name last... I don't know if that is a special thing in your culture... But I can imagine that maybe they just don't think about what order they use. It need not mean that they don't care about you or don't value you. It could mean that, but it could also mean that they just don't think about this the way you do.

    Remember, also if THEY don't respect you, you should respect yourself. No matter what others think about you you should think highly of yourself! You are such a kind, sweet, and pretty! lady.

    1591 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/18/2013 6:24:39 AM

    You've identified the you have to devise a solution.

    1591 days ago
    Have you thought about getting them or your mom involved in the community and with people from that's is from the same area as you? If that's possible then she or they can be involved and speak in there language and not feel like they have to speak English if they feel uncomfortable to do it. This could be an option if it's available.
    On the other side it makes it hard when the family all moves away and you feel obligated to have to stay for safety or concern or just worry.
    I hope that you're able to find some sort of way to take care of this so you can move on with your life and make decisions when you want to do something and not feel guilty!

    Take care,
    1591 days ago
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