Thursday, January 17, 2013
I had an emotional rollercoaster of a day, as most of us do. We are down to one car and if I need to use it, I have to drive my sister 28 miles round trip at 5:30 in the morning. Well I needed it this morning. My sister woke me up and I just wanted to cry I was so tired and warm under the covers. I dragged myself out of bed, made a cup of coffee to go and was looking for something to shove in my mouth, as is my habit. I stopped! I thought about it! Do I need this now? Shouldn't I wait until it is time for breakfast? I went and got in the car.
The car is one of my biggest problems. I want to eat everytime I get in it. I'm not hungry but feel compelled to grab something. Before the gastric bypass Ronald McDonald was my man. I would eat a whole value meal, then go home and eat dinner. My love affair with Ronny ended with the gastric bypass, but my compulsion for eating in the car had not. It started when I got gas, let me run in and get some vitamin water, hmmmmmm, those chips look good, I have a sweet tooth, it won't hurt me, I am eating less after all. Well 100 pounds later it has hurt me.
Back to my day, I had to go to an ultra sound office to see if I have a nodule on my thyroid. My new dr wanted to know how long I have had the lump, I said "what lump". I have been pushing that aside, saving the worry when I know I have something to worry about.
The minute I got in the car my breakfast left me and the car hunger beast took over. What is worse is I had my niece with me who is also trying to lose weight. I knew it wouldn't take much to convince her to be my cheating buddy. I thought about it all the way to the test.
I ran a few other errands, all the time having a running dialogue in my head, you are hungry, no you are not, yes you are, on and on. I was driving myself crazy. I talked to my niece and she was fighting the same demons in her head. Great!
I made the decision to run to Aldi's, a discount grocery store where I get my fruit and some dairy. I grabbed my fruit, grapefruit, not really edible in the car, some veggies and headed for the dairy. My niece and I reached for the string cheese at the same time! Eureka! We can get string cheese and eat it in the car.
It was cold and drizzly outside, yes it is Florida but it was cold to us, and we put our purchases in the trunk after grabbing a piece of string cheese each. We ran a couple of errands and after each stop we would open the trunk to put our purchases in there. The string cheese was staring back at us.
Our last stop was Target to get prescriptions and a few groceries. We perused the soup aisle and picked out several cans. We both were starving! Last opening of the trunk. I felt like a demon was loose in me. Grab some cheese sticks!!!!! A few will not hurt. I can choke down 4 at least before we get home. I hesitated, one wouldn't hurt. I closed the trunk.
I have become so aware of what I am eating, not just grazing all day, that I was able to survive a day in the car. I feel very strong, most times, but I am going to reverse my thinking, beat my demons, and love myself!!!