Thursday, January 17, 2013
So lately I have felt so depressed over my weight and more over my PCOS symptoms (specifically alot of hair loss). But I noticed I would cry and complain over it all, and I just wouldnt start to make the change. I was successful in losing 35 lbs a couple years ago with SP, but then again, I gained it all back. I noticed a pattern, ive lost and gained back(plus more) the same 35 lbs for the past 5 years. I noticed that when I hit 30-35 lbs, something happens, not sure if its a plateau, but I just know Ive never gone to 40 lbs lost. I always thought it was a simple thing, just eat healthier and exercise, but with so many of us, it is deeper than that. We have a certain complicated relationship with food, and for each of us it is different. It can have to do with our childhood and what food meant to us, or it can be something recent with food such as a divorce, bad relationship, lost job, etc. Food is COMFORT and also food is PUNISHMENT for a lot of us, so WHY WOULD WE THINK THAT IT IS SIMPLE! it is never simple. So no wonder it takes so many attempts to really stick with it, until something CLICKS. Well for me, im hoping that something is Therapy.
I started therapy recently for something unrelated to food (however, its all related according to my therapist lol) and through the process have learned that I have coped with my pain, hurt, disappointment, etc, through "stuffing" my feelings down with food. I had to really think about this, because my jerk reaction is "no i dont" then I thought about it. When I have a big argument or something sad happens, I unconsciously go to food, literally, get in my car and drive to the drive-thru and not realize I am consciously doing it, its like im on Autopilot. I have not allowed myself to SIT WITH MY HARD FEELINGS. I choose to eat my pain away and numb myself.
So all that to say, im hoping my missing piece to me finally having it CLICK is taking into account the PSYCHOLOGICAL aspect to my relationship with food. I think with a lot of us that is a HUGE integral part of why we havent been able to be successful. I know I have more than enough knowledge about nutrition, its not that, its deeper, and I am hoping I can finally work on the root issues and leave my EMOTIONAL EATING in the past.
I know it is a JOURNEY and in our journeys we have forks in the road, and we may go down a path we know we shouldnt, but whats important is if we find ourselves back on the right path and never give up!
We are worth it. I AM WORTH IT.