Thursday, January 17, 2013
A few things that I want to brag about a little bit, if that's alright. Good, glad you agree! :)
Overall, this has been a very good week. I started teaching, and that's gone alright again. I managed to get to the gym twice, and plan to walk while I'm out of town this weekend. I am feeling pretty good about that. Someone told me this week that I need to set manageable goals, and I was beating myself up for not being at the gym every night. Once I relaxed a little, everything seemed to be easier.
At the gym, I finally tackled my fear of the scale. And happy news! When I set up this site back in October, I was pretty confident that my weight was about 320, but that was based on a previous doctors appointment months earlier and my perceived weight gain. So, last night I put on my big girl panties and decided it was time to get over my fear of the scale at the gym. I had to do it twice because my estimated weight was 25 pounds off. I left the gym when a big smile on my face. It means I'm still under my heaviest weight, and that my personal perceptions are kind of off, which I kind of already knew. Although I know I still have a lot of weight to lose, and a lot of work in front of me, it felt good to know that I was starting at a lower weight. And all of my fear of the scale was for nothing...so glad I tackled that fear before heading into the weekend.
Finally, after the gym I went to the grocery store. The treaded grocery store. Over the past few years, the grocery store has always been a scary place for me. I always give in to temptation, and when I'm feeling sad or depressed or lonely, I find chocolate or carbs or just junk food or cookies to take home with me. And every time I think about the grocery store, and all of the things I have bought that I shouldn't have, I feel so defeated. And to make things worse, I don't know anyone else who has such a strong reaction to something as simple as the grocery store. Just thinking about it, my stomach knots up and I get super anxious. I have gotten to the point of tears in the past, either upset that I gave in to the temptations while at the store, or worried that I will give in. Even writing out that I have these fears/anxiety is a big step for me, but I know that I'm addressing these issues. So, last night I went to the grocery store with a list. Only healthy things on the list. And when I left the store, only healthy things in my cart. If I was able to do cartwheels, I might have done some when I got home.
These hurdles are going to resurface regularly moving forward, but I am gaining confidence with every success, and sharing my thoughts and feelings has helped as well. I want to be healthy, I want to have less pain and this is the path for me to get there. So, a few successes to share this week, and hopefully many more to come. :)