Thursday, January 17, 2013
So if you've read my page you know a little bit about me. But I really didn't put my story up until this point, and I want to make that my first blog post.
My current weight is 160 pounds(it's actually more around 162). Up until this point, the only person I have discussed my weight with is my mom, since she has struggled with weight as well. I never talked about my weight, because I know my family would make fun of me, probably not to my face, but definitely behind my back. I can feel stares when I'm around other people, I see myself as fat, ugly, and a little pregnant looking, so of course I tend to think that's how others see me too.
I don't really come from a line of "big boned" people. Okay, that's a lie, when I meet my biological grandma and her family for the first time back in Jan. 2012 they do struggle with weight. That's on my biological dad's side of the family. On my mom's side of the family, they seem pretty fit, I think there are only a few suffer from weight issues, and I wouldn't even call their weight an issue.
So yes, since my biological grandma's family struggles with weight, and my mom has in the past, I guess you could say it is partly inherited. However, growing up, I never had any weight issues. But then I had to go on medication, and that's when I started gaining my weight. It just seemed like I went to bed skinny, and woke up 65 pounds heavier. And as I type this out, I'm amazed that I gained 65 pounds! It seems pretty crazy!
I don't exercise much, I have exercise induced asthma, and that can make it a challenge to work out. Many people have that kind of asthma, and as long as they pace themselves, and work up to an activity level, they can exercise just like the rest of them. I think I just use my asthma not to exercise very often. I eat okay, I don't eat bad. I stay away from candy, sweets, chips, those types of things. Not because I'm trying to lose weight, but because I have to watch my salt intake due to vertigo, and I'm just not a sweets eating kind of girl. I do admit, sometimes I go over board when we have something I really love for dinner, like tacos. Mmm tacos! Tacos, pizza, cheese, those are my weaknesses. I've tried to give up soda, and drink more water. Can you believe that I only drank soda, and only drank water when I saw at someone's house who didn't have soda? That changed pretty quick now, I don't drink as much soda as I used to. But it's so hard to give it up completely, nothing is better than soda and tacos! But I do drink way more water than I used too.
I've been in denial for so long about my weight. I would try and work out, but I lost hope real fast. I needed support and motivation. While I did have my mom, she just doesn't understand exactly what I feel. So I gave up, I just didn't care anymore. I just started thinking that this is my weight. I'm meant to be this fat, ugly, slob forever(If you can't tell already I have a pretty bad image when it comes to myself).
Then 3 things happened that has made me want to lose weight:
1) My mom. I said she has struggled with weight also. Well she went on this diet(which I refused to do because they wanted me to eat mostly salads and give up cheese). But it worked for her, she's lost 30 some pounds. She doesn't exercise a lot, but she does, and she still manages to keep the weight off. While I'm excited for her, because she's wanted this for so long, I admit I'm jealous. When we are out shopping together, someone who she hasn't seen in a while tells her how good she looks, and what is she doing because she just looks amazing! And then I see it, their gaze shifts from my mom to me, and I can see the look on their face. If I had to guess it's you're mom's lost weight and here you are still fat. It's also sad when you're mom can fit in a small size jeans, and I'm still wearing a 12 and 14.
2) My jeans. I had a size 14 jeans, that seemed to get big on me. I got so excited and had to weigh myself, well that's as long as the excited lasted because the scales told me I gained weight. Ugh! I did drop down to a size 12, but can still fit the 14. My mom tells me I have to be loosing weight to go down a pant size, but I can't see how if I remain the same weight, or gain more weight.
3) My great aunt. Remember how I said I never discusses my weight because I knew family would make fun of me behind me back? Well my great aunt did it to my face! What's worse than that, it was in front of people! She told me how fat I was, and just went on. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and cry. But I just left and cried.
I know you need to be ready to lose weight, and the 3 things I mentioned above has made me ready. I mean if my mom can lose weight, so can I. She found what worked right with her body, and now I need to find what works right for my body. I need motivation, I need support, and I feel like this is the place to get just that. This is only my first day here, but the people seem real, nice, and willing to be there for you.
I know I'm a little windy, but that's my story up until this point. The rest of my blog entries will be about my struggle with weight/weight lose, and giving updates along the way. I hope you subscribe to my blog. Maybe you are where I'm at now, and we can give each other the needed support. Maybe you've been where I'm at and you can give some awesome tips. I'm just so excited for a change.