Do you know what I love?

Kale chips.

Dehydrated, raw, kale chips. I get a bag of "Southwestern Ranch" kale chips, and I promise myself that I won't eat the whole bag. I'll only eat half...AND then I eat the whole bag...but it's okay. Want to know why?

Because they're KALE CHIPS.

The brand I get is vegan. The "ranch"isn't really ranch at all. It's a strange blend of nutritional yeast and spices. I believe they may also use magic, and perhaps addictive drugs, because I crave them absolutely every day...but that's okay...because they are KALE CHIPS.

Do you know what else I love?

Beyondmeat. It's this freaky, science experiment fake meat that Whole Foods sells. I crave it daily too. It's low in fat, low in carbs, high in protein....and probably the result of stolen alien technology...but I don't care! It's awesome.

I just gorged on both of these foods. I am about ready to pop, because I am filled with awesome alien-magic food.

My family and friends think that my obsession is strange. My little brother looks at the kale and runs for the nearest Burger King. That's okay. That leaves more kale for me!

That's all I wanted to say. Carry on, Sparkers.